He Had the Heart of a Champion

If you have known me for very long, you'll know that I'm not always crazy about animals. I've probably eaten more dogs than I've petted, and I just plain don't get along with cats. I'm not a "pet guy." It's not my style.

About 4 years ago I became friends with my buddy Dave. He's the one who got me started playing bass and whatnot. Anyway, Dave had a pet tortoise named The Swashbuckler. I immediately took a liking to the guy and decided that someday I would own a tortoise of my own.

Fast forward a couple years and I'm starting to like Megan again. One time when I dropped by her house, I noticed she had a tortoise. If something bad about a potential girlfriend can be called a deal breaker, something awesome like owning a tortoise could be called a deal maker. It wasn't the most important factor in me finally dating Megan, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a definite perk. I took to him immediately and was as concerned for him as Megan was, even though he wasn't technically "mine" at the time.

I have grown to love turbo over the past year or so. I was the one who started saying, "He has the heart of a champion." I said it at first as sort of joke when we saw him struggling to climb over his house. But as time has proven, Turbo really did have the heart of a champion.

He was small for his age and he always seemed to be getting sick. Megan and I have nursed him back to health on several occasions. I don't think I've ever been as excited to watch an animal eat as I have been with Turbo. Eating meant he was getting the nutrients his little body needed, so it was always relieving to see him crunch into his lettuce (even though he always had pretty poor depth perception and often came up with a mouth full of nothing, which was always funny to watch). He ate like a dinosaur (not in quantity, but in the way I'd expect a dinosaur to eat) and it was never dull to watch him.

A few months back, Megan and I were getting increasingly concerned over Turbo's declining health. In our many trips to the reptile store, we would ask them how big a tortoise of Turbo's age should be, and how he should be behaving. We found, much to our disappointment, that he wasn't growing as quickly as he should. He was only about 2 inches across and he should've been 5 or 6 inches. His eating habits were not good enough to maintain his health, and we noticed that his little arms and legs were getting smaller and weaker. He didn't even look as healthy as the hatchlings the reptile store had for sale.

Every day over the past few weeks I would pick Turbo up and get him to move his arms and legs to make sure they wouldn't atrophy. I did everything I could to encourage him to eat and move around, but he seemed to be less and less motivated to do any of these things. Megan and I have often wondered if Turbo has just felt horrible every day of his little life. It could very well be true. He's had a number of health problems and even a trip to the vet and a round of antibiotics didn't seem to give him the help he needed.

Over the past month he was eating maybe only once a week, if that. It was over the past two weeks that he really declined. He didn't eat or move. I couldn't even get him to move his arms and legs without coaxing him first. It was becoming apparent (though I refused to believe it) that his little life might be coming to an end.

Yesterday I got a call from Megan. She told me that he was not responding when she tried to soak him or sun him under the heat lamp. She said he seemed to be near the end. The funny (if you can call it that) thing about tortoises is that it's hard to tell if they're dead. In Turbo's case it seems pretty sure. He has pulled his little arms and legs inside his shell and they have gotten stiff. We can't see any movement from him at all, and we can't coax any out of him.

There has been an air of sadness that has permeated the last couple days. I always knew there was a strong possibility that Turbo might not live out his full age (about 40 years for his species). I didn't think it would come to this so soon. I will miss the little guy. We will surely have other tortoises and they'll probably be a whole lot healthier than Turbo was, but he'll always be my little guy. I didn't ever think I would feel this strongly for a pet of any sort, but I do.

Turbo always brightened my day. There was never a time when seeing him didn't make me just a little bit happier. But I do take comfort in the fact that if he was in pain (as we have every reason to suspect that he was) it is over now and he has lived out the measure of his creation and has gone on to a better place. Megan and I will miss him.

I can think of no better epitaph for him than those words I originally said in jest, but seem to describe him better than any others I could hope to find: He Had the Heart of a Champion.

Synchronize Your Prayers on My Mark

Before I launch into any discussion of how great a weekend Megan and I had, I have to shoot a beaming ray of hope into everyone's heart. As you know, Megan lost her job this last month and things have been a little tough for us. Of course we've had plenty of blessings and have had a number of small miracles that have kept us afloat. But there is a hope that things might be getting a whole lot better for us soon.

Here's the straight dope on all this: Megan has a 2nd interview with a company she interviewed with last week. We're fairly sure that this interview will be the job offer itself, so Megan could be employed again soon. Also, I applied for a job over at the map collection in the science library. It's a job that would pay me a whole bunch more than I'm currently getting paid, and I'd have the benefit of not working here, which is as big a perk as anyone could ever give me. I have an interview for that job set up for Thursday. So this week will really be a big one for Megan and I. We could have a massive positive shift in our careers by the end of the week. So we're asking for your hopes and prayers on our behalf.

Megan has a pretty good chance of getting the job she's interviewing for. In the first interview, the guy was really impressed with her portfolio (as is everyone who sees it. She does good work). This second interview will be with the boss man who has power to hire her. If he's as impressed with Megan as everybody who has ever met her, she should get the job. It's not a done deal yet, but we have plenty of hope for this one.

As for my interview, there are a lot of reasons to be positive about it. First of all, Karina (Todd's wife) is on the search committee. If I got the job I would be her superior, which would benefit her as much as it benefits me. I know she's pulling for me, so that's good. Also Jeremy, who is one of the two student workers I would be over is a guy I work with here in this library as well. He and I already have a good working relationship, so I'm sure that will factor into it as well. Also, in the phone call with the head librarian of the science library, she asked if Nick, my coworker, was my supervisor. I told her that he was just my reference and that the boss man was my supervisor. She asked if she could contact him and I told her, "Sure, but you're probably not going to get as glowing a reference from him as you will from Nick." She responded, "Yeah, I know." She was the one who rescued the last two people who escaped from this place, and she called Nick for his opinion of Jeremy before hiring him. Nick told her that Jeremy was good, so she hired him. So Nick's influence with the head librarian there will be a good thing to have as well. It feels so much like things are just falling into place that I can't help but get my hopes up. Of course it's more important to me to see Megan get her job, but I really hope that we both get the jobs we're interviewing for. We'd have a lot more money, but I'd also have a lot more sanity, which is more important. Every prayer I send up this week will be pleading for us to both get these jobs. So that's the most important thing you need to know right now.

Megan and I had a really good weekend. It was probably a product of all this hope that was floating around. There were a few times where Megan and I were just laughing or smiling for no good reason. We discussed over and over the positive effects that could come if we both get new jobs. The last time I had this much hope and was excited about anything was over a year ago when I thought there was a good chance that Megan would actually date me.

Friday was when we both found out about our interviews, so when I got home from work, we decided that we needed to take a little time to celebrate. We have been going to the dollar movies about every other week, but because we've been poor we use rolls of quarters, dimes, and nickels to pay for everything. This weekend we decided to go see "Hancock" despite its bad reviews and whatnot. Megan and I slammed down our change for tickets, popcorn, and a drink and as we were walking into the theater I asked her, "Are you ready to be severely disappointed?" She said, "Yes." So basically, we had pretty low expectations for the movie. We were pleasantly surprised. I think if you're expecting "Hancock" to be the superhero movie to end all superhero movies, you'll be disappointed. But if you expect a big budget movie with good special effects and a plot line that may or may not completely suspend your disbelief, you'll probably enjoy it. I'd definitely watch it again, given the chance.

On Saturday we woke up way wicked late. We had been house sitting, so we had to drive all the way back to the boonies of Chandler after the movie, which was the late show. So we rolled out of bed, threw the house together, and got back home around noon-ish. I spent some time throwing a bunch of mp3's on the old ipod, which is Megan's new baby. I caught some glimpses of what turned out to be a wild weekend of college football (top teams losing, non-BCS teams tearing it up e.g. BYU?!) and then Megan and I set out for our regular Saturday things. We dropped by DI, where we found nothing that we needed to own (I actually have a lot more fun at DI than Megan does. I feel bad about that). We dropped by the reptile store where a number of cute little tortoises caught our fancy (If Megan and I both get our jobs, don't think we won't go right for the tortoises. We really want 'em). After that, Megan remembered that she had the women's conference, so we grabbed a quick lunch and she headed out. I then spent the time while Megan was away, looking at video games and dreaming. I then came home and played video games, which made me feel a whole lot better. In other news, I'm getting better at Circus Atari all the time.

Sunday was fast Sunday because of conference next week. Megan and I both bore our testimonies because we really have been blessed this month. It's been a real test of faith, but I think we're passing. Church was really good. Our financial clerk was back at church for the first time in 5 weeks. He's a med student and had to work Sundays for a little while. I didn't have to do the tithing, which was fine with me. I pulled the records I needed to pull, printed up an ordination certificate, and got out of the clerk's office without too much hassle. All in all, it was a good Sunday.

After church, Megan and I had a delicious meal to break our fasts. She cooked up a stew and we had biscuits to go with it. By the end of the meal we were both exhausted (you know how fast Sunday can do it to you) so we caught a quick nap. Afterward, we pulled out the old cribbage board. Megan holds the all-time lead on me at two games to one. She beat me in the first game in an embarrassing loss. I had barely rounded the final corner when she put it home. In the second game, I had the queen mother of all great hands. Let's just say that everything I had was a counter. I've never seen a hand that fantastic and it'll probably be a long time before I see another one. My one good hand gave me a good enough lead to hang on for the victory. So Megan still leads three games to two in the all-time rankings, but I feel like I'm sitting a lot better than I was. Before my one lucky hand, she had a three to one edge on me, and was leading in that game as well. I think she pulls out the over competitive gene in me. Things were a little tense before I pulled out the win in the last game.

Anyway, we had a nice, long, pleasant weekend. It was exactly what we needed coming into this week. There is so much riding on the events of this week, so it's hard to not feel a little excited and anxious. Of course we'll keep you posted on any and all developments and as I said before, we really appreciate all your prayers on our behalf.

Don't You Die On Me

So today is Friday. That's a pretty good thing going for today right there. I'm at work, which counteracts the coolness of Friday but what can ya do. I've got to put food on my family, so I gotta work.

I have spent a good deal of my morning time today doing two things: 1) I filled out the meme below (yes, I usually do the meme before the entry. Shocking, I know. That's why you get a lot of entry that say, "I have no time to write" and then they're followed by a filthin' long meme) and 2) reviving my old 3rd Generation ipod.

I don't know how much you know about ipods, but here's the skinny on my old one. The first generation of ipods was released in 2001. Tom had one and I was jealous. But they were only made for Mac back then so I hoped that they would release a Windows version. The 2nd generation came in 2002 and was the first Windows compatible ipod. I was going to buy one when I got one of my college grants, but Tom wisely told me to wait for the 3rd generation. The 3rd generation had a high-end 40 gig version as compared to the 10 or 20 gig versions of the 1st and 2nd generations. I let Uncle Sam buy me the 40 gig version as soon as my grant came in, and it turned out to be one of the best purchases of my life. I remember bringing home that cube-shaped box like it was only yesterday.

In much the same way that people who get cell phones become almost immediately dependent on their phone, I became hooked on my ipod. I had been taking music with me wherever I went for years before I got my ipod, but that involved a discman and a wallet full of CD's. The ipod was able to hold more music than any of my CD wallets and zip through songs and albums faster than I could've ever imagined. Every time I turned my ipod on it was like magic.

There are very few gadgets that can claim to have changed my life as substantially as my ipod. But there's a funny thing that happens with electronic gadgets: they get old and outdated. When I bought my ipod, hardly any of my friends even knew what an ipod was. I found myself explaining the concept of an mp3 player than can hold 40 gigs of music to people at parties. It was like explaining the internet to someone in 1988. When I got my ipod it was sleek, thin, and cool. It looked like a piece of alien hardware. But after a few years, everyone seemed to be getting ipods. There were nanos, shuffles, minis, and videos. All of a sudden the 3rd generation seemed old and out of date. It also started to skip around and not play the songs like it was supposed to. The battery life started to suffer even though I replaced the battery. I was sad to retire it, but it seemed its time had come.

I bought a 30 gig video ipod (5th generation) and that is my current ipod that I use on a daily basis. It is now out of date now that the 6th generation, ipod touch, and iphone have come out. No doubt we'll go through this thing again when my current ipod starts acting up. I could start a whole rant on planned obsolescence, but I won't.

So my old 3rd generation ipod, which looks like this:


has been sitting in a drawer for about 3 years. I had not made any attempts to revive it, though it always seemed a shame to throw out such an elegant (though now chunky and old in comparison with the newer models) gadget. So it collected dust until yesterday, when I was searching through a bunch of open source software and found a thing called rockbox. Rockbox is a replacement for the standard ipod operating system and it is designed to be more efficient and work better than the original firmware. In my previous attempts to revive the old ipod, I had downloaded every os update and patch you could think of, but to no avail. It seemed rockbox might be my last hope to get the old thing up and running again.

So I spent some time today installing and configuring the new os, and from what I can tell the battery life has been improved, the playability of the songs has been restored, and I have way more fun games and stuff on there than I used to have. In many ways rockbox isn't as simple as the original os, but it works better, which is what it important. I might even get brave enough to throw it on my 5th gen ipod.

So if you didn't know that this month is dedicated to the nice men and women who write open source software, you know it now. Megan was telling me last night that she wants to inherit the old ipod if I get it back up and running, so she might just get it. Of course I'll have to get new cables for it, seeing as how I'm using the old cable for on-the-go charging of the new ipod. So there's still some stuff to work out, but I honestly couldn't be happier to have breathed new life into a dying friend. If only I could do the same for Turbo (he has been in really poor health lately. I worry about him a lot).

Anyway, if I could teach you one thing it would be this: don't throw out old electronics. There are so many things that can be saved, salvaged, modded, or repurposed. For every technology you would consider old, outdated, or impractical, (like laserdisc, betamax, 8 track, cassette tape, vhs, reel to reel, vinyl, and the list could go on and on) there is a group of rabid fans who have forums, websites and groups dedicated to the preservation of that very technology.

Maybe I shouldn't tell you not to get rid of your old electronic items. I am the beneficiary of people getting rid of their Ataris, Nintendos, and whatnot. Maybe I should say it like this, "If you have old gadgets that you're tired of and think you'll never use again, give them to me. If I can't find a use for them, I'll get them to someone who can." That's my promise. I'm James Badger and I approve this message. Now let's hit the meme.

Sixty Stinkin Questions

1. Where did your last kiss take place?
I always kiss Megan at the door before I leave for work.

2. Who knows a secret or two about you?
I think you'd be surprised to know that Megan knows a thing or two about me. But seriously, I don't keep too many secrets. A lot of the things that go on in my life are public knowledge. I throw them up on the internet where they can be read by anybody and everybody.

3. Four words to explain why you last threw up?
I can't remember. It seems like I've thrown up sometime between the cheese stick incident and now, but I honestly can't remember.

4. Have you ever burned yourself?
I burned the filth out of myself when I was fixing the Atari. I guess it had been a while since the last time I was soldering anything. I also burned Megan pretty badly on the same finger and hand that I burned myself. Now that's what you call, "skills."

5. What's crazy to you?
I dunno. I suppose a person who had lost the control of their own though processes and was delusional and a danger to themselves and society would seem pretty crazy to me. Also, the fact that John McCain tried to weasel out of the debate seems crazy. I had a lot more respect for him before he did that.

6. Favorite cuss word:
I tend to use "flip" and "fetch" a lot. Just kidding. I'm not from Utah. But seriously, my go-to interjectory word is "filth." You knew that, right?

7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
The same person who is always talking a load of crap about me. I'd say their name, but I'm still paranoid of big brother.

8. Who is your hero?
Brady Quinn. He's dreamy. But seriously, I have lots of heroes. I look up to my friends, family, people I know from church, etc. I also have your standard sports/music/whatnot heroes like Mats Sundin or Rivers Cuomo.

9. Would you ever want to be a supermodel?
No. I wouldn't ever want people to look at me the way models get looked at. Their body is a commodity to be bought and sold, and they tend to lead unhappy and unfulfilling lives. They always have weight to lose, body parts to shape and tone, and they become "too old" too quickly. Modelling seems like it eats people up and spits them out the other side. Why would I ever subject myself to that?

10. Who is the most experimental person you know?
My old roommate, Jacob, grows bio-engineered tomatoes. I think he does plenty of experiments. That being said, I have no idea what you mean by this question. Are you asking which of my friends listens to Frank Zappa? Which of my friends has a part time gig as a crash test dummy? What are you asking?

11. Do you tell white lies?
I try not to lie. Most of my untruths are embellishments on the truth. So if that counts as a white lie, put me down for a "yes."

12. When is your next party?
With Megan every day is an adventure and every night is a party. And no, we don't get too many visitors. But I don't feel the need to party like I did when I was single, so I'm not sitting in the corner crying and wishing for the good ol' days. I don't party much, and that's fine with me.

13. Who do you want to be with right now?
I'll give you one guess and I'll bet you can get it. If guessed Megan, you have a firm grasp on the obvious.

14 Do you scratch when and where you want to scratch?
Pretty much.

15. How do you handle a break up?
I used to stop shaving and cutting my hair. I found that a thick covering of head and facial hair was a soothing cover for any hurt that might have been caused by some heartless harpy who didn't want to date me. But I don't think Megan will break up with me, so we're good now.

16. Your motivation for tomorrow?
Tomorrow Megan and I will still be house sitting in the boonies, but it will be Saturday so we'll probably go to DI, Bookmans, and the reptile store. I'll probably catch a little college football, and I'm sure Megan and I will watch an episode of Scrubs or two.

17. Do you know what you will wear tomorrow?
Without looking down I'm not even completely sure of what I'm wearing right now.

18. Last person to make you laugh?
Don Adams.

19. Last thing you ate?
The pizza I had last night. I didn't get breakfast this morning and I haven't had lunch yet.

20. Do u ever go a few days without changing your underwear?
Not any more. I used to be able to get away with it back in the day, but it gets too gross too quickly if I try to recycle underwear now.

21. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect?
Yes, I've been mountain biking.

22. Do daddy long legs freak you out?
All spiders are disgusting and need to die.

23. Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
Nope. I don't have any kids yet. I have, however, spent a good deal of time cleaning up my own over the years.

24. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?
Yup. And I saw the Mythbusters where they told me it was ok to do it.

25. Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?
Turbo isn't much of a kisser.

26. Do you talk baby talk?
Only in jest. People who use baby talk when they aren't talking to a baby or making fun of someone are disturbed and need a good shrink.

27. What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
I've always found serial killers both disturbing and fascinating. It's disturbing because the thought that there are people out there who kill in numbers with seemingly little or no motive can destroy your sense of safety and well-being. They're fascinating because you have to wonder what mental breakdown can cause them to act in a way that is the complete opposite of every ethic be it imposed by religion or society itself.

John Wayne Gacy has always been a disturbing one because he was a clown. I'm not afraid of clowns, but I can see why some people are. Clowns can be creepy. John Wayne Gacy was a psychopathic homosexual clown who killed 33 young men. That's about as creepy as a clown can get.

Ted Bundy is another scary one. He was fairly well educated and even studied a little psychology in college. He even worked at a suicide hotline for a while. He seemed like a normal enough guy, but in reality he was a psychopath who used his good looks to lure girls to his car where he would later kill them. He confessed to 30 murders, but some estimates on his victims run as high as 100.

I have always found Jeffrey Dahmer to be the most disturbing serial killer I have ever heard of. He was killing and dissecting animals at a young age. He became an alcoholic in his early teens. He had shown signs all his life that he was not in good mental health. The fact that he cannibalized and mutilated his victims makes him the most disturbing serial killer I can think of.

The other disturbing thing about serial killers is that the United States produces more of them than any other country. On a lost of serial killers broken down by country, the United States has about 100 even if you discount "angels of mercy" who are doctors that kill their patients in "humane" ways to save them from the pain of illness. The next closest country is the UK with only about 40 killers. Something about this country makes it possible for more people to go nuts than in any other country. I wouldn't eve be so bold as to guess at what it might be. But the fact remains: we have way more serial killers than anybody else. Now that you've all read more about serial killers than you would like, let's get to the next question.

28. Do you watch court tv?
No. I don't like to watch things that will bore me.

29. Would you ever work in a retirement home?
I hope I never have to. Retirement homes scare me. I'm a little bit of a gerontophobe. I fear old age and I'm afraid of old people I don't know. I was always good with my grandparents and other relatives, but I would not do well in a place where lots of old people are living out their last days in comparative misery.

I've gone with a few different youth groups to sing hymns in rest homes and whatnot, but it always scares me and I usually come away from the experience shaken and noticeably depressed. So the answer is no. I decline your offer of working in an old folks home.

30. Do you believe plants have feelings?
Yes. I discussed this last week. Plants have even less of a voice than animals. That's why I jab every vegetarian I see with a big salad fork. But seriously, there have been tests which show that plants may feel some level of pain.

31. Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts?
When I was in junior high, the bowl cut was about the coolest haircut you could get. I myself had a bit of a bowl cut going. So if it's dorky now, give it five years. We're back into the 80's now, so the 90's should be right around the corner. Of course by then I'll be old enough to be curmudgeony and yell at the kids for not being "real" grunge.

32. Do you have nervous twitches?
I'm sure I do, but I don't usually take notice of such things. I usually have to have other people point them out for me.

33. Are you ever purposely irritating?
All the time. I should probably work on that.

34. If you could fly, where would you go first?
I would go as far from this library as possible. If there was any way that I could throw one fist in the air and break through the ceiling, that would be super duper. But don't you get me thinking about things that will never happen. It just makes ordinary life depressing in comparison.

35. Do you prefer boats or planes?
I'll take planes. I was an airplane nut when I was a kid. I checked out the same airplane book from our local library a billion different times.

36. Love or lust?
Who chooses lust? Love is always more satisfying. Generally speaking, people don't take lust if they have a real shot at love. It wouldn't make sense to. Lust is what you take when you can't find love and you stop caring about the consequences. Maybe that's a little altruistic on my part, but that's how I feel about it.

37. One best friend or 10 aquaintances?
I always seem to get this question. Megan is my best friend and I'd rather have her than 10 people who are cool to hang out with. It's a simple quantity/quality question and anyone who takes quantity needs to reevaluate their priorities.

38. Favorite food?
Megan makes delicious tacos. She makes lots of delicious foods, but I always look forward to taco Tuesday.

39. Do you believe that your first love never dies?
I'm glad my first love is dead. She's not dead, but I have no feelings for her. She's happily married with kids and I'm happily married. If I was still hung up on her I would not only be completely lame, but I would not be completely honest to Megan. So yeah, your first love will die out and thank goodness for it.

40. What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for?
I'm looking forward to Tuesday. Not only will I come home to the smell of spicy meat and taco toppings, but Megan will have her second interview for that job she interviewed for last week. It seems like she'll probably get it, but we're hoping it'll be a good job and that it'll pay her more than the last one did.

41. Current smell?
That library smell. The smell of paper, some old and some new. You know what a library smells like.

42. Do you get your nails done?
Nope. I have honored the request of all the women in the universe and have kept my nails short for a few years now. I think my long nail days are well behind me.

43. Most favorite person?
Questions like this make this meme less fun for everyone but Megan. She'll love hearing over and over that she's my favorite person. But if you're reading this, you probably knew she's my favorite and questions like this are too predictable. So there ya go. Megan, you're my favorite. Everyone else, buck up and let's hope you make it to the end.

44. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald's?
A hot fudge sundae. It's the only thing I order there anymore.

45. Are you an emotional person?
Yeah. Sometimes I think having five sisters did something to me. I'm a little more sensitive and emotional than most guys you meet.

46. Do you like your name?
I have a fine name. It's a nice, normal name that has served me well thus far.

47. Do you have plans this weekend?
Sleep, college football, DI, Bookmans, the reptile store, and maybe burning stuff.

48. Do you work?
Now that's a loaded question if ever there was one. I've actually gotten a lot done this week, so yeah. I work. I work hard for the money. If you account for all the crap I take, I don't get paid enough for what I do.

49. Do you dance naked in your room?
Only for comedic effect.

50. When did your last relationship end?
The last relationship I had before Megan was in 2003. So it's been a while.

51. What are you listening to right now?
Absolute silence. This library is dead right now.

52. Biggest fear?
That I won't get that job I applied for and that I'll spend the next 30 years of my life here in the crap-taking factory.

53. How long have you been a part of myspace?
I got a myspace account in 2004 because I made an account for my band and they didn't have any friends yet. I check my myspace account about once every two weeks, just to clean out the porno ads. Myspace is not a good place.

54. Favorite place to be?
I actually like being home. Even when the house is a little messy, I'd still rather be home with my wife than anywhere else. It's nice to be married and settled down.

55. What are you wearing right now?
I'm 97% sure that I'm wearing pants and some sort of shirt. Beyond that, I couldn't tell you.

56. Are your toes painted?
Not that I know of.

57. Does anyone hate you?
Yeah. The boss man hates me more than any other person has ever hated me before. It's a new personal worst.

58. How many people do you trust fully?
Lots. I trust plenty of people. I trust my wife, my immediate family, my friends, random people who seem nice. I tend to be a pretty trusting guy. It bites me in the behind sometimes.

59. Did you have fun doing this?
Not really. I used to make fun of the questions a lot more than I do now. I think I've lost my edge. If anybody out these is officially sick of the Friday meme and wishes I would just do regular posts, lemme know. I might work something out for you.

60. Are you thinking of someone right now?
Yes. Her name is Megan. She's my wife. She's also the answer to a lot of the questions I get asked every week. That's not a bad thing. I just think it makes for boring reading if your name isn't Megan.

It's an Old Story: Good vs. Evil

It seems that I come in contact with the forces of evil on a nearly daily basis. I'm not talking about peers who have "fallen off the deep end" (a saying that has always struck me as a bit odd. Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that they've fallen into the deep end? Assume I'm telling you a story about a kid who falls into a swimming pool. Which part of the story would be more important: the exact part of the deck he slipped and fell from, or the deepness of the water he falls into? As a kid, the deep end referred more to the place where the water was deepest than it did the part of the deck where it indicated the water was 12 feet deep. It's all I'm sayin') who are pressuring me to join them in their evil ways. I'm not talking about staring into the face of demons and battling them with a sword. I'm talking about dealing with people who are bent on tearing me down and making my life miserable. My friend Dave described it thus: "There are two types of people in this world. There are builders and there are wreckers. Builders are people who are in your corner. People who will stand up for you and pick you up when you're down. Wreckers tear you down. You may not always see their influence, but even if they are only wasting your time they are of no use to you and ought to be avoided."

The builder/wrecker theory is a bit too simplistic to really define every person you will ever come into contact with, but you can't deny that you've seen builders and wreckers at work in your life. I see them all around me. Last week I picked up a note I saw on the ground. It was a page from someone's journal that they left for some unknown person to find. It said all sorts of things like: "You're a beautiful person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise" and "The world is a better place because you're in it." The girl included her email address because she wants the finder of the note (me) to write to her and let her know where the note went. I haven't emailed her yet, but I plan on doing so sometime soon. Her note was a definite pick-me-up and anyone who bothers to leave random words of kindness for complete strangers is definitely a builder and deserves to know that her good works are appreciated.

On the other hand, I am forced to deal with a particular person on a daily basis who seems to never tire of finding ways to make my life more miserable and difficult than it needs to be (If you're a longtime reader, you'll know who I'm talking about). This person is the reason I tell people I work in the crap-taking factory and that my job is chief crap-taker.

Things have gotten way out of hand over this last little while. The balance of justice in this place is completely out of whack. All my colleagues are unhappy and tired of the sorts of things that occur on a regular basis. We have called it incompetence, stupidity, and meanness but there seems little doubt now that we are not dealing with mere incompetence or stupidity, we are dealing with evil.

Satan's plan is and always has been to make people miserable like unto himself. The person who has undertaken the task of making me and all the people around me miserable is actually a very miserable person as well. The comparisons to Satan are easy to make and not entirely undeserved.

I have mentioned before that I have a chance of escaping this unfortunate situation into which I have been thrust. I am happy to know that there are nice people working on my behalf in an attempt to help me escape. In the end, the forces of good always thwart the forces of evil. It's not just a good plot line for literary works (though it certainly is a good plot line) it is also the way of the universe.

As we speak, the forces of evil are conspiring on multiple fronts to make my daytime hours an absolute terror. I am currently so angry that I am having a hard time making coherent thoughts. My only solace is that good always triumphs over evil. This is my mantra. This is what will keep my sanity.

I should also mention here that I am planning on writing a book loosely based on my horrible experiences here. I'm still trying to decide how the plot will flow, but it should be a joy to write once I get rolling. I want to write for therapeutic than anything else. I don't expect that I'm going to churn out the great American novel, but I do expect it to be satisfying.

Anyway, I know a lot of prayers are being sent up on behalf of Megan and I and I thank all those of you who pray for us. Heaven knows we need it (that's a funny phrase to throw in there. If you've been praying for us, of course heaven knows. That's where your prayers go). I thank you all for being good people and for being builders instead of wreckers. I promise I will never compare you to Satan.

Items of Disinterest

As some of you may know, I discontinued my old blog due to the fact that it was being read by people for whom its contents were never intended. This is not to say that my ego isn't tickled when some random person reads the blog and drops a comment or two (shout out to our anonymous European friend). I realize that by throwing my thoughts out into cyberspace without locking them up in any way that they are accessible to anyone and everyone. This would be absolutely fine with me if I had any assurance that my words would only be read by the sorts of people that can pick up what I'm puttin' down, can dig what I'm shovelin', and can smell what the rock is cookin' (that last one doesn't really fit with the others, but I needed a list of three. Trust me, without three items a list like that will always seem incomplete).

So what am I saying? I'm saying that the integrity of this blog's readership may be compromised in the same way it was on my old blog. I'm telling you this because I have actually gone back and censored myself by deleting certain things from old entries in an attempt to not criminize (bossspeak for "criminalize") myself by throwing words around too flippantly. So what does this mean for you and why do I bother to mention it? I think it only fair to warn you that the contents of this blog will hereafter contain only those items that are fit for universal consumption. I don't want to lock this blog down and make it harder for my family to read (heaven knows it's hard enough for them to read it as is what with all my rambling verbiage and whatnot) and I don't want to lock it down to the point that some casual blogger can't stumble across it and correct my spelling or tell me what they think about what I write. The point is: you will be getting an edited version of this blog from now on and although it may not be immediately apparent to you or seem to affect you in any way, I'll be dying a little inside. I just wanted you all to know.

The other item of disinterest should get its own heading. So I'll throw a space in here and boldify some text in order to let you know that I'm talking about something completely different now.

Free Things are Sometimes Better Than Their Non-Free Counterparts

Today I realized that I had absolutely no word processing software on my laptop. So what could I do? I could pick up the latest and (according to Microsoft, which has always been a trustworthy corporation) greatest version of Office for a mere $150 (a low low price available only to those with the educational discount) or I could download Open Office for free. I became familiar with Open Office back in 2004 because back then although Khmer had been added to the Unicode library of languages, Microsoft did not support it in their latest version of Office. If you type more than 3 words in Khmer using Microsoft Office, it will crash, freeze, or break down and cry. You can write a book in Khmer in Open Office and it will work absolutely fine.

So I downloaded the latest and greatest version of Open Office (available at http://www.openoffice.org) and was happy to find that not only can I save documents in a number of Microsoft compatible formats, I can also save them as PDF's, uploadable web pages, etc. Open Office is an open source freely downloadable program that actually works better than its $150 counterpart in a number of ways. They have programs that are comparable and compatible with Word, Excel, Access, and all those other overrated Microsoft Office programs. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but you should all be able to sleep better at night knowing that there are communities of smart people who dedicate their lives to giving you things for free that others want to charge you large amounts of money for.

I should also mention that I am writing this blog entry using Firefox. Firefox is another freely available open-source program that is better than the corporate counterpart. Internet Explorer actually has a hard time running the blogger spell check program, but Firefox has a built-in spell check that checks your spelling as you type. Also, Firefox has had tabbed browsing since 2001 (they weren't the first, but they got on board early in the game) and Microsoft just barely jumped on that bandwagon this year. And I haven't even begun to mention how much safer Firefox is in terms of not picking up adware, malware and the like. Also, I got an add-on for Firefox that blocks the sidebar ads on most websites. So when I'm looking at facebook I don't have to look at those American Apparel ads featuring women dressed like strumpets of the 1980s (coincidentally, Strumpets of the 1980s would be a fantastic name for an indie band that releases one moderately good album then breaks up over creative differences all in the course of a single calendar year). When I'm looking at my video gaming sites, I don't have to look at ads for dating websites that feature scantily clad women who would never be caught dead talking to the types of men who have accounts on dating websites. Basically, by downloading a simple add-on, I have fewer people trying to sell me things as I stroll about in cyberspace.

Now some of you may be thinking (who am I kidding? None of you are thinking this), "Isn't Internet Explorer a freely downloadable program, too?" The answer to that is: yeah, it is. But take into account the fact that internet explorer is not the most popular browser in the world because it's the best product on the market. It's the most popular browser because Microsoft spent a lot of time trying to make it mandatory and there are a lot of people out there who aren't even aware of the alternatives or the many benefits the alternatives have to offer.

So here's what I'm saying: I love open source software. I encourage everyone to take a little time and find out if they couldn't be saving money and sanity by using freely available software made by nice people who are striking back at the man and making the world a better place. And now I sound like a cyberhippie, so I'll stop.

Switchbacks Lead to Tea and Crumpets

So I may or may not have jumped the gun and lead some of you to believe that Megan and I both have new and exciting jobs lined up for ourselves. Although there is a possibility that Megan and I could both be happily laboring away in new and better jobs in the near future it is by no means a mortal lock that such will be the case. There's still a lot to be done between now and then, but we're working for that better, brighter future with all we've got.

Megan did, in fact, interview for a job last week. The interview went really well, but the person conducting the interview doesn't have the power to hire. He's just the other graphic designer. So he'll give his suggestion to the boss man today and there may or may not be another interview. We honestly don't know how this will all go down, but she stands a decent chance of getting the job. Of course she stands a decent chance of getting any job because she's talented, everyone loves her, she interviews well, and has a dynamite portfolio. But let's not get to counting our chickens before we're even sure we've got eggs.

As for me, I put in for another library job in another of the university libraries. I don't want to give too many details because big brother takes screenshots of everything I write. So yeah, I put in for a job that I'm probably not too qualified for, but I might get it because of who I know. I have a friend on the hiring committee for this job, so that might work out in my favor. At the very least I expect a call back for an interview, which would be more than I've gotten from any of the other jobs I've applied for over the last little while. Anonymous outside sources tell me that working in this library is a real resume killer, but with my connections I actually have a fighting chance of getting a new job, which is more hope than I've had in a long time. So don't get your hopes too high. I'll keep you posted as things progress, and if I get the chance to write an update on a computer that big brother isn't watching, maybe I'll give you some more details.

The important thing to know is this: Megan and I both might have positive changes in our employment status. It's too soon to tell how anything will shake down, but all your hope and prayers on our behalf are much appreciated.

So this weekend was an interesting one, but only because we did our normal things out of sequence. We went to Bookmans on Friday night instead of Saturday afternoon (madness, I know). I was hoping to find that the Intellivision they had last week would still be there, but it was not. I did, however, pick up a cheap hardshell bass case they had. It's a good case and it fits my pink Badger bass perfectly. So now I have a spare gig bag which means I can build another bass (right?).

On Saturday Megan went and did some balloon twisting while I stayed home and watched college football. I felt lazy, but it's the first football I've seen all year. I watched ASU get killed by Georgia, which was depressing but not unexpected. Also, we took our usual trip to DI, where we found absolutely nothing worth owning, and the reptile store. I think Megan and I are getting a little too familiar with that store. We can immediately tell which animals are new that week, and we remember what all the others were doing the week before (last week the gigantic rhinocerous iguana almost fell off his log. It was hilarious). But it's still a nice place to go and dream. We still want to get our African Spurred tortoises. I think once Megan gets a job there are three priority purchases on the horizon: 1) Weezer tickets 2) Tortoises and 3) Intellivision. We might not get them in that order or even right away, but once we have a little more money to throw around, those are some of the things we'll be doing with it.

On Sunday I forgot that I told the home teachers we would be home and they came over as Megan and I were getting ready. Megan was in the shower and I didn't have a shirt on yet. We had to scramble to get clothed before opening the door. Our home teachers are faithful, but we always seem to forget when they're coming. They always have to come before church, so we're not always prepared for them.

I don't know what else to report on. I feel like I might be leaving out some huge detail somewhere, but I think I'll let it be for the time being. Anyway, I hope I've answered any and all questions you might have about our employment status. If you have any others, feel free to drop them my way.

No, That's the Spy School

I'm getting way too lazy about posting to this thing these days. I don't eve remember when I started this entry, but it's taken me way too long to finish it. But I intend to see it through this time...hopefully.

Wandering Minds

Ever fight in a church?
The obvious answer to this question would involve a Highlander reference, but I'm not going to be obvious. I'll just answer the question outright: no, I've never fought in a church no matter how strong an urge has come over me to do so.

When was the last time someone said you were hot?
It woulda been Megan and it wouldn't have been too long ago. I think she's biased though.

When did you last lie with a straight face?
Every time we watch Monk, I try to convince her that "this is the episode where Monk dies." Somehow she never buys it. I use my poker face and everything.

What is the most money you have spent on a gift?
I dunno. Do Megan's rings count? I got them cheap, but a cheap ring is still more expensive than most gifts. I'll stick with rings.

Ever taken pics you regret?
Yeah, that picture of me shaking hands with Saddam Hussein has come back to bite me in a big way.

Would you rather live in the country, city, or suburbs?
I find the suburbs fairly soulless. All the houses are the same and there isn't any flavor to the neighborhoods at all. Everything is corporate, safe, and homogeneous. It's no way to live at all. If we're talking inner city in a bad neighborhood, I wouldn't want to live there either. But if it's a decent neighborhood in a good city I wouldn't mind much. There are a lot of ammoniates (aka amenities) that the city can provide and the country can't. That being said, having lived in the city for a while now, I wish I was back living in a small town. But who's to say that once I'm in a small town I won't start missing the city?

Last time you were truly in love?
I'm truly in love with Megan all the time every day.

Ever take money from a stranger?
Do you mean have I accepted money from a stranger, or have I stolen from a stranger? I don't think I've stolen from a stranger, but I've accepted money from a stranger on occasion, but never very much.

Who is on your mind right now?
Megan. I'm just thinking of what we should do with our weekend. The weekends are where life happens.

Do you think piercings are sexy?
Nope. I don't really like 'em at all. Plus with the whole ear-stretching fad and people getting gross things like back-of-the-neck- piercings, the whole things has gotten entirely out of hand. That being said, tattoos are awesome. Not all tattoos are awesome of course. So people get really stupid or ugly tattoos, but some of them are really awesome.

Do you donate blood?
Nope. There are a lot of reasons for it, though. I spent a lot of time in Cambodia where I became friends with a whole family who eventually died of tuberculosis. Doctors don't like to hear that. Also, I'm sure afraid of needles. So yeah, it may be selfish of me, but I don't give blood.

Are you religious?
Yes I am.

Where did you graduate from?
I've graduated from a few places: St. Johns High School, Eastern Arizona College, and Arizona State University.

What is you're heritage?
I come from a long line of people who know the difference between "your" and "you're."

What is you're favorite kind of music?
I hope this list was written by a person for whom English is a second language. That being said, I love power pop. I also love many other genres and subgenres, but power pop is the one I keep coming back to.

What was the last Youtube video you watched?
I watched a guy open beer bottles with a chainsaw. The lesson as always: never underestimate stupid people with lots of time on their hands.

Do you have any ridiculous fears?
I'm more afraid of bugs than Megan is, which seems wrong to me. I'm supposed to be the strong protective one, but she squashes all the bugs in our house. Oddly enough, I have no idea where this fear comes from. I wasn't afraid of bugs when I was a kid.

What should you be doing right now?
It's Saturday. I should be playing video games, but I'm here writing this for you. Feel special.

What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
It's a toss up between video games, DVD's, records, and bass guitars. I enjoy throwing money at all of them.

Do you regret doing anything over the last week?
Not really. I try to live a life of no regrets. It's not that I never do anything worth regretting, but I find that regret only makes things worse. There's no point in regretting anything. It's much more healthy to learn from things and move on.

If you could have any type superpower what would it be?
I dunno, it's a toss up between the power of flight and the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away...with mind bullets. I think I'll go with flying.

Who will be the next president of the United States?
My coworker put it this way "Now we get to see if the country is more racist or sexist." That's really true to a point. Honestly, I hope Obama gets it. I'm politically moderate and I see the presidency of this country as the swinging of a great pendulum. We'll pick a conservative president and they'll do the things conservatives do (some good, some bad) and then to balance everything out you have to go with a liberal for a little while. As a moderate I find that there are never any moderate candidates, so the only way to balance things out is to swing the pendulum back the other way every now and again. Obama isn't even that hardcore of a liberal, which I take as a good sign. He's against the war and has been since the beginning, which I find commendable. He hasn't been in government long enough to be really jaded and worn down by partisan politics, and he generally seems like a nice guy, which is important. If McCain wins, it won't hurt. He's a decent man and would probably do a decent job, but I'm voting Obama.

When did you last have a great kiss?
I kissed Megan just a couple minutes ago and it was fantastic.

What was the last thing you purchased?
I actually used some of our credit at Bookmans last night and picked up a hard case for my pink bass (the one I built). It was a good purchase. It fits perfectly.

What are your current goals?
Well, I hope to get out of my current job and into something more satisfying. I also hope to get into grad school before too long and start working toward a career I'll really enjoy and feel good about.

What so far is the single best moment of your life?
Well, I think marrying Megan has affected my life more profoundly than any other moment. It's funny because my relationship with Megan is very similar to what it was before we got married, but looking at it from an eternal perspective there are major differences. I think marrying her will...in the long run...affect my life for good more than any other decision I will ever make.

Do you watch the Olympics?
I watched some of the events, and I happily stayed clear of any and all gymnastics. That being said, I still prefer the winter olympics. They have curling.

What do you do to try and help the environment?
Well, I don't go to protests, sign petitions, or join silly activist groups. All those things tend to have little effect on the environment itself. What I do is recycle and generally try not to create too much garbage. I never litter, and I drive a car with good gas mileage. So basically I do more in my daily life than any Greenpeace petition ever has. The beauty of it is that I don't consider myself an environmentalist. I consider myself not a jerk.

What do you think of guys that wear pink shirts?
I think they're trying to prove something. Mainly they're trying to prove, "Hey, I'm manly enough to wear a non-manly color and not be ashamed." But where were they 6 years ago when Mike Hill and I were wearing pink shirts? It doesn't take any guts to wear something ridiculous when everybody else is doing it.

What is your favorite breed of dog?
Barbecued. It's delicious.

Is there a celebrity that you don't understand why they're famous?
All of them. Nearly every person who has ever appeared on Hollywood Access or Entertainment Tonight has never done anything to make my life better. I owe them nothing and they have done nothing for me. The only celebrities who have ever affected my life in any significant sort of way are Mats Sundin and Rivers Cuomo.

What do you think of dating someone you meet on the internet?
It's a whole new world out there. People don't even talk on the phone anymore, they just send each other text messages. Meeting someone on the internet doesn't have the same social stigma it would've had even 5 years ago. There's a lot more online social networking now than there has been in years past. I think if you can deal with meeting someone on the internet, go for it. If it would make you feel like a loser, don't go for it. Lucky for me, I met Megan in real life.

Do you return purchases back to the store often?
I try not to, but if something doesn't work I'll waste no time in taking it back.

Is there any TV shows you wish were still on the air?
Arrested Development. That show got cut down in its prime and I think it still had a lot of growing room. I was sad to see it go.

What is your favorite smell?
I dunno. I like the smell of WD40 and the smell of melting solder. I like odd smells. I also love the smell of vanilla, so we'll go with that to make me not seem weird.

How do you feel about the cost of college tuition?
Colleges exist in an economy separate from the national economy. If the national economy is good, college tuition goes up. If the national economy is bad, college tuition goes up. There is absolutely no connection between how much you pay for college and the amount of money the college actually needs to operate. There is also no connection between how much money you pay for college and the quality of education you'll actually be getting. Now that's a bitter pill to swallow if ever there was one. Luckily I had scholarships and grants.

What hobby would people be surprised that you enjoy?
I don't think anything I do comes as much of a surprise to anyone. I'm a fairly predictable guy.

In the last year have you learned or improved on any skills?
My skills with the ladies improved in remarkable ways. My ability to ignore my boss has taken leaps and bounds. I think I've improved in a number of ways over the last year.

Are there "friends" in your life that you wish werent in your life?
Nope. I tend to not be friends with people I don't like. I'm crazy that way.

Is there any accent that you find sexy?
Icelandic. It sends shivers up my spine. But seriously, I like a good Eastern European accent or a Scottish accent, or even a Bavarian German accent (because it's less harsh than the Prussian accent).

Do you prefer yellow or white gold?
White. Yellow gold is gaudy and I don't like it at all.

Do you know what your birth flower is?
No. Lemme look it up. It's the Larkspur. So buy me larkspurs on my birthday. My zodiac stone is the onyx. My birthstone is the ruby. I expect all these things at my next birthday party.

Would others say you are open minded?
I hope they do. I try to be open minded.

Do you honestly consider yourself a good friend?
There have been times in my life where I wasn't a good friend, but these days I try to be good to people. Of course I never see my single friends anymore and we haven't really hung out with any married friends. So I guess I haven't had much opportunity to prove myself lately, but I try to be a good friend. We'll leave it at that.

Are you looking forward to anything that is happening in the next 24 hours?
Yeah, Megan will probably have a new job by then and I hope to be interviewing for a new job by then. But who knows? Life is full of unexpected things, so I don't know how anything will go down.

Have you ever set up friends and they ended up together long term?
No. I try not to set people up. I never enjoyed being set up, so I made sure I didn't set anyone else up.

If you could have any person in the room with you right now who would it be?
Luckily, Megan is sitting right behind me. I'd like to keep her.

What were you doing right before you started this?
Sleeping. It's Saturday ya know.

Queen Susan's Lipstick

Hey everybody. I've got a little time on my hands and I thought I'd sit down and write some words for them of y'all what still reads this thing.

We're back from yet another weekend. This one crept up a little quicker what with the labor dabor and all. But I'm all for a weekend that comes early and leaves late. I like my weekends as early and often as I can get them. I find I do most of my living after 5:00 Friday evening and before 6:00 Monday morning. I might as well be a zombie for the rest of the time.

Of course that isn't completely true. I have the pleasure of taking institute classes again, which is always fun. I take institute classes so I can park for free, but I also get the benefit of the classes themselves, so it's a win-win-win situation.

On Friday Megan and I had our minds made up to go to the movies, but because we're trying not to spend our money unwisely, we ended up paying for everything with change. Of course we counted and rolled it all, so we didn't look like total jerks. So we dropped some quarters at the door and went to see Get Smart. Now here's the thing about the movie: all of its best jokes were taken from the original series. The humor of the movie is a little more lowbrow than the series, and the whole thing doesn't bind together as well as the series did. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie. But I have to admit that the movie just made me want to watch the series. It's a good thing I have the first season on my ipod. So if this was a movie review, I'd give Get Smart a solid 3.5 stars. It was entertaining and I enjoyed it, but it wasn't the best movie I've ever seen.

On Saturday Megan and I slept in for a while. I slept longer than she did, but I was glad to get more than my daily amount of shuteye. When I got up, there was only one thing I really needed to do: fix the controller on the Vectrex. I don't know how much you know about Vectrex, but it was a mail-order only system. When you bought a Vectrex, you only got one controller and the only way to get another one was to order it through the mail. That's one of the things that makes it such a rare system (the other being the fact that it came out right before the video game crash of 1983). So Vectrex consoles are fairly rare, but spare controllers are unbelievably rare. There are forums and faqs devoted to turning old Atari or Sega controllers into Vectrex controllers because when your Vectrex controller dies, there isn't much chance you'll ever get your hands on another one. Also, taking the vectrex controller apart is a bit of a leap of faith because it requires you to peel back the faceplate to get to the screws that allow you to take it apart. There are a number of ways to break your controller or ruin its aesthetic appeal just by taking it apart. So I wasn't excited about doing it, but it had to be done. I had to peek inside and see what was wrong before I could think of the alternatives.

Before I got up the gumption to take the thing apart, Megan and I went on our usual weekend rounds. We hit up the Costco and had free samples for lunch, and picked up a case of the granola bars I like to have for my lunches. Then we dropped by Bookman's where I didn't find anything worth having (except for an Intellivision that I really really wanted to get, but we don't have enough credit for). Then we hit up DI where I saw lots of things that would've been fun to buy, but nothing we really needed. Then we went to the Arizona Reptile Center where we looked at all the fun and interesting pets they have. Let me state for the record right here and now that Megan and I intend to buy two African Spurred tortoises sometime in the future and to name them Gamera (my tortoise, named after the big tortoise from the Godzilla movies) and Morla (Megan's tortoise, named after the big tortoise oracle in Neverending Story). So don't any of you go buying a tortoise and naming it Gamera or Morla. Megan and I thought of it first. Anyway, we spent a lot of time looking at the tortoises in the reptile store. Turbo is in a funk again (not eating or drinking or moving around much, and he's still abnormally small for his age) and I can't help but worry about him. He'll always be my favorite tortoise, but Megan and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to own healthy tortoises. Those African Spurred tortoises are about as healthy and active as you could ever expect any tortoise to look.

After making our rounds, Megan got a call from Shannon to go to one of Megan's favorite clothing shoppes, so she offered to let me stay home and work on the Vectrex. So I got up the gumption to actually take that controller apart. I used Megan's hair dryer to heat the glue on the face plate, which I carefully peeled back. Then I took all 5 screws out and found that the controller came apart quite nicely. As soon as I got it apart, I could see why so many people have broken controllers. There are so many fragile plastic pieces in this 25 year old device that it's a wonder mine is still working. I noticed right away what the problem was, and I laughed out loud when I realized how simple it would be to fix. The joystick is connected to two self-centering spring-loaded potentiometers, one controlling the vertical axis and one controlling the horizontal. These potentiometers are connected to three wires each that send the signal to the Vectrex when the controller is moved. It's actually a fairly simple system. I noticed right away that the three wires that should've been connected to the horizontal pot had broken off at the solder joints. So all I had to do was melt the solder, pull the broken bits of wire out, strip the three wires, and solder them back where they were supposed to go. There was no color chart included, but it was pretty easy to see which wire went where (longest to the outside terminal and the shortest to the inside). I soldered them back and voila! I had just fixed it. It actually took more time to get the controller apart and put it back together than it did to actually fix it. But I felt like a champion for being able to fix it, even though it was really an easy job. So that was my big accomplishment for Saturday.

On Sunday Megan and I went to church as we are wont to do. I did some clerkly duties during Sunday School and joined Megan for the special combined priesthood and relief society meeting. It was an interesting meeting and ther were definitely a lot of things to think about. Megan finally got set apart for her calling and the bishop stayed and talked to me for a bit about how great it is to be a clerk and what great training it is to be a bishop. I wish people wouldn't say things like that. It makes me nervous. Not that I think I'll be a bishop anytime soon, but I read the church handbook of instructions from cover to cover as a missionary and I know a little of what is expected of bishops (and certainly, there's more expected now than there was in 1999). So I have to say I don't have any desire to be more than what I am. I don't even want to be a full-on clerk rather than just an assistant. I see how much work the clerk has to do and how much he has to keep track of. Let me state right here and now that my favorite calling in the church was and probably will always be sunday school teacher. But yeah, it makes me nervous when people talk about the calling of clerk as a great training ground for higher callings. I'll be happy to stay where I am for a while.

After church we came home and I accidentally fell asleep for a few hours. I say accidentally because as we were changing out of our church clothes, Megan laid down on the bed. I laid down next to her intending to get right back up, but she woke me up a few hours later when dinner was ready. I guess fast Sunday will do that to you. We had our dinner, which was delicious, and then went and watched the last episodes of season 6 of Monk. So Megan and I have officially seen all the Monk we own. Season 7 can't come fast enough.

I should also mention before I close this up that I just barely finished the last book in The Chronicles of Narnia. I read from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe to The Last Battle (which is the order I prefer to read the books: chronologically from publication dates of the books not chronologically as the story runs) in a little over a week. It has been really nice to revisit those stories now that I'm old enough to read a little more into them than I did when I was a kid. I've got Megan started on them now and she'll probably have time to get through them pretty quickly as well.

I find it interesting that as I finished the books and was looking for a few commentaries online that so many people could take so much offense from the overarching Christian themes in the books. It strikes me as odd because even when I was a kid I was told that the books were full of images and symbols of Christ and Christianity. But it seems as if people have a love/hate relationship with the books because the story is so good in and of itself but their own feelings about Christianity interfere with their ability to really enjoy the stories. It's a strange thing to see. It's also strange to see C.S. Lewis accused of blatant racism, sexism, and fear of human sexuality. People have theorized that the reason Susan doesn't come back as one of the "Narnia 7" is because she has found an interest in sex. In the book is says her mind is more caught up with "lipstick, nylons, and invitations" and the goes on to say that she has wanted to long to reach adulthood and now seems determined to stay there. I don't think C.S. Lewis was trying to say that Susan was discovering her own sexuality as much as he was trying to say that she had gotten older and couldn't bring herself to believe in Narnia like she had before. Her mind was on more material and social things and she couldn't be bothered with the frivolity of youth. That's how I read it anyway. I suppose it's open to any interpretation you could wish to throw on it, but I think I know what C.S. Lewis was driving at.

Well, I'd better go. Those are all the words I have for now.

To the Laziest Man In the Universe: Bring It

So I was really rushed today (as usual, I guess. I don't know why I bother to mention it anymore. It seems like evry single week I'm on here pretending like me not having time to do a real entry is something shocking. But it's not. You probably were just expecting the standard meme, and you'd be right to) so I didn't do a regular post, but I did do a meme. So here it is.

Anything Goes

What is the most expensive thing you've ever bought?
I'd have to go with our house. It's more expensive than all the cars and computers I've ever owned combined...times three.

First car you drove?
The first car I ever drove was one of the Brown's ranch trucks. I was 14 and had never driven a car in my life. They put me in the driver's seat, showed me how to get it into gear, and told me to follow the road around the mountain to the corrals. I couldn't have been going more than 25 miles an hour at any given time, but I was excited to be driving.

Is education important?
On a priority list I'd put education right after eating, breathing, and drinking water and long way ahead of things like knowing the names of anyone who is or ever has been on American Idol. Among the many needs of this country, one of the greatest is the need for educated citizens.

Person that means the most to you?
Would you be surprised if I told you it was Megan?

Rather live in the country or in a city?
I've lived both in the country and in the city and there are things to like about both. But now that I'm a married man, I would be content to get a decent house on a decent piece of land somewhere in the small towns of Arizona.

Favorite song you can listen to over and over?
There are too many to choose from, but I will say that I've listened to "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer hundreds of times since it was first released 14 years ago and it's still one of my all-time favorite songs. That's some pretty good staying power.

Favorite movie of all time?
I'm still going to go with Horsefeathers, which is a Marx Brothers movie. There's nothing to dislike about it and I've seen it more times than I dare count. The "I Always Get My Man" song and dance is always hilarious no matter how many times you see it.

Ever seen something online about you that was super bad?
I haven't ever seen anything anybody ever wrote about me that was bad, but that isn't to say people don't write, say, or think bad things about me. I've offended and hurt enough people in my lifetime that I'm sure someone out there has said something about it.

Best concert you've ever been to?
I don't know how to quantify that. I've seen Weezer six times, and every time I see them it's amazing. But I wouldn't think a non-Weezer fan would find it half as awesome as I do. The Black Keys absolutely blew my mind, but they had no stage show whatsoever. Reggie and the Full Effect had one of the best stage shows I've ever seen (with The Aquabats coming in a close second) but I wouldn't say it was the best I'd ever seen. I'll just go with the first time I ever saw Weezer. It was December 20th 1996 in the Electric Ballroom. That was also the firt time I ever saw Ash, and it was the first concert I ever paid to see.

Craziest night?
That would probably be the night Ezra stole a Pickelhaube (spiked German helmet) and we walked down Mill avenue and hung out with hippies, rastafarians, and had all sorts of near-magical experiences. Ezra was a crazy man and nearly any night with him was completely nuts. He had no sense of shame whatsoever and generally had a good time wherever he went.

Been to Disney World yet?
I've never been and I couldn't imagine it would be that much fun. The Disney corporation seems a bit scary to me these days. They seem a lot more soulless than when they started out. Walt Disney had dreams of the happiest place on earth and whatnot and now it's all moneymaking and cold corporate decision making. So if I were to go to Disneyland and see the people who are literally paid to smile (the scholarly term is "emotional labor") I would probably feel more creeped out than I would if I were in a place where everyone hated their job and let it show on their face.

Been grounded a lot when you were a teen?
I wasn't really grounded as a teenager. I was punished in different ways. My parents always said, and I agree with them, that grounding a kid is a punishment to the parents as well because they have to look at their kid moping and sulking about for two solid weeks. Who wants that? It's better to take away privelidges or have them do unpaid chores.

Do you believe punishment really makes a person better?
Punishment in and of itself can't make anybody better. It tends to have the adverse effect. How a person deals with and learns from punishment is what makes all the difference in whether or not punishment is effective.

Should people that hurt animals have the same done to them?
No. Wait, let me check...am I insane? Nope. Not insane. Hurting animals for no reason is a bad thing to do, but animals are not humans. Let me say that again so everybody understands: animals are not humans. That cop whose dog died in the hot car shouldn't spend a single day in jail. Why wreck his life for the life of a dog? There's no sense in it. But consider this: humans are part of the food chain. There are animals who eat us, and there are plenty of animals we can eat. It's part of the system. There are many animals which are absolutely delicious and we shouldn't have a congressional hearing every time someone fries up a bit of a delicious animal. It's nonsensical. There needs to be a moderate voice of reason somewhere between those who think killing animals is worse than killing babies and those who think killing animals should be a daily pastime. So the idea that people who mistreat animals should have the same done to them is insane. What if I felt strongly about the pain plants feel (there are studies that show plants feel some level of pain) when vegetarians eat them. Should I be allowed to stick a fork into every vegetarian who sticks a fork in a salad? The whole idea is moronic.

Best music to listen to?
Power pop. There's no contest. Put on a great power pop band like Jellyfish or The Rubinoos and all your cares melt away. The only way you could help but like it is if you're the sort of person who only likes depressing and/or angry music. Metalheads and goths, I'm looking right at you. Some of your music is good, but lighten up and listen to something else every now and again.

Best halloween costume?
Former Canadian Prime Minister Kim Cambell.

Ever been told a tall tale?
Everything the boss man says is as unbelievable as a tall tale.

Were you spoiled as a child?
Nope. I was the middle child and middle children are never spoiled. We grow up to be normal and well-adapted members of society (comparitively speaking, of course).

Favorite food to eat?
These days I'm a big fan of tacos. But the magic of the quesadilla still calls to me from time to time.

Things you do for fun?
Like walking in the rain and the snow when there's nowhere to go and you're feelin' like a part of you is dying, and you're looking for the answer in her eyes. You think you're gonna break up then she says she wants to make up.

Wait, that's what we do for Love. For fun I play video games, light fires (contained fire pit fires, not arson), listen to music, watch movies, and just generally hang out with the wife. It's a good life.

Ever been to a party that cops busted?
The cops caught us for lighting a big old fire and setting off all sorts of fireworks in the desert. Jacob took the fall on that one, which is to say he got the lecture and we all stood and watched. Nobody got hauled in or anything.

Do you do drugs?
Nope. I don't even like to take ibuprofin for a headache. I'll take something if I'm really sick, but I don't like to.

Best cellphone provider?
None. Cell phone quality is way worse than landline quality. They all stink equally.

Ever dye your hair a odd color?
I dyed it green once and purple once. Those were both temporary dyes. I've never gone with an odd color for more than a couple days.

Who's your idol?
I have a few. Of course I always look up to my parents, but you'd expect that. I also think Rivers Cuomo, Mats Sundin, and David P. Chandler are pretty remarkable people.

Who's better guys as friends or girls?
This is a middle school question, so my only response can be: boys go to mars to get more candy bars. Girls go to jupiter to get more stupider.

Who really does the most cheating guys or girls?
I don't know. I'm a one woman man and I can't imagine being otherwise. I intend to never cheat and I'm sure Megan is the same. I can't speak for anyone else.

How many states have you lived in?
I've only lived in Arizona. Luckily, Arizona is the greatest state in the Union.

Do you think you're friendly?
Not really. I can be pretty awkward in social situations and sometimes I don't come off well at all. Also, I have a hard time pretending to be civil when I'm just not feeling it. If I'm angry, it usually shows, so that makes it a little hard to say I'm friendly. But I try to be friendly...at times.

How much does it cost for you to fill up your gas tank?
About $34 these days.

Ever ran over an animal?
Yeah. Apparantly the deal is off between me and birds. I've been killing them left and right, though I don't intend to.

Rode on a horse?
I've been in the saddle for days at a time. I've been on cattle drives and overnight horseback trips and whatnot. So yeah, I can ride.

Rode on a motorcycle?
I learned to ride a little on a friend's motorcycle. I wouldn't trust myself on the open road, though.

Whats the longest you have been stuck in a car?
Probably those family trips up to Utah in the old station wagon. Christine and I had to sit in the backwards seat, isolated from everyone else. She was so car sick she'd usually be throwing up into her puke bucket (an empty plastic margarine tub) before we even got out of the driveway. Those trips were always exciting at first, and agonizing for the bulk of time. I don't see how the padres did it. Those trips seemed like they lasted a million years.

How do you feel about politics?
I feel good. Bush is going to be gone soon(without even ushering in the apocalypse. So it wasn't a complete failure) and we actually have some good candidates this time 'round. I'll be happily casting my ballot for someone and not against their opponent. So that's nice.

On a sunny day, your most likely doing what?
I'm most likely to be found giving lectures on the difference between "your" and "you're." It boggles my mind that people have gotten past 5th grade without knowing which to use in any given situation.

Are you comfortable with yourself?
Sure. I know me pretty well by now, so I can hang out with me without it being weird or awkward.

Anything that has ever scared the life out of you?
Yeah, when nearly half of the democrats thought that Hillary "Lies Her Pants Off" Rodham Clinton would make a good presidential candidate.

Like going to clubs?
Nope. They don't usually play the sort of music I like to hear and I'm too old for any sort of dancing that requires gyrating without looking like a complete idiot.

Favorite type of movie to watch?
I like comedies. Call me crazy, but I like to laugh and enjoy myself.

Sport you like to play?
Hackey sack, racquetball, or roller hockey. Though I haven't done any of those in a while.

Had your heart broken?
I had my heart broken a few times over the years, but luckily it wasn't permanent. As The Mooney Suzuki says, "The broken heart can be made whole." And so it has.

Ever seen a weird bug and you didn't know what it was?
Yeah. They have some odd ones in Cambodia. I just tried to keep my distance.

Best shampoo out there?
Alberto VO5. It's a buck a bottle.

Want to go to the moon?
If someone else pays for it, sure.

What do you order at McDonald's?
A hot fudge sundae. Megan and I only go for the ice cream.

Robots Don't Go to Heaven

Hey everybody. I figured what with me having a few spare moments here at work, I'd update you on all the whatnots and such of this past weekend. As you probably know by now, Friday was Megan's last day at work. Considering the fact that we don't have enough savings to keep going for too long, we're both fairly non-worried about the whole thing. We brought our tithing up to date on Sunday and we figure things will work out if we do what we're supposed to and put in our own efforts. So it'll be interesting to see how this will all shake out.

So I got a call from Megan on Friday right before we were both about to leave work. She had arranged with her parents to go out to dinner and a movie. We left right after work and drove to Glendale where we all met up. We went out to dinner Caramba's, which is a Mexican restaurant I'd never been to. The food was pretty good. By the time we were all done, we still had time to kill before heading to the dollar theater. We dropped by a K-Mart near the theater to kill a few minutes. I hadn't been in a K-Mart since the one in Thatcher was going out of business and was selling CD's for $5. Come to find out, K-Mart is almost exactly like Wal-Mart except nobody shops there. That's actually a major plus for K-Mart. I would say that this would be the start of a new shopping trend for me...if only I knew where a K-Mart was. Question: do you know where the K-Mart is in your neighborhood, and if so, have you ever been inside? Yeah, I didn't think so.

After K-Mart, we made our way to the dollar theater. The dollar theater in Glendale is a lot nicer than the one in Mesa. It looks like the inside of a spaceship built by aliens with a fascination for disco. We had chosen to go see the new X-Files movie. Actually, Megan and I kinda wanted to see it more than our other options, and since Richard and Carol had no strong opinion on the matter, we all shuffled in to X-Files. The X-Files movie was, admittedly, a bit odd and not super great for people who aren't already fans of the show. They don't really explain who the characters are or why they do what they do. So if you don't know anything about the show, all you get is a movie about organ harvesting and body transplants, which is kind of disturbing. Plus there's a whole side-plot of priest molestation and whatnot. It's a dark movie. In retrospect, I think Megan and I enjoyed the movie a lot more than we would have otherwise because her parents hated it. We probably would've been better off if we had all gone to see Kung-Fu Panda, but whaddaya do?

When we went to bed on Friday night, I was afraid that I might have nightmares about organ harvesting and body transplants, but I didn't. Megan had a dream with a headless body in it, so that was the worst of it. But enough with the decapitation and whatnot. Last week my Atari 2600 decided to give up on me. We had all the in-laws over for dinner and I had gotten some of the brothers-in-law into the entertainment room to play some 4-player Warlords. The old 2600 just wasn't getting any juice and try as I might, nothing was happening. It had been having issued with a loose power jack for a while, but on that particular day there was nothing I could do to get it going. I had wanted to fix it all week, but we were house-sitting and I didn't get the chance. So on Saturday I drove Megan all around looking for an Atari part. I picked up a spare power supply earlier in the week, but that didn't help anything, so I knew it was the jack.

I took the Atari apart (which was surprisingly simple) and unsoldered (desoldered? reverse-soldered?) the jack from the circuit board. It's basically a mono 3.5mm headphone jack with three terminals on the bottom. I would have though that someone might carry such an animal, but nobody did. We went to two Radio Shacks and we even dropped by Fry's, but to no avail. I then realized that I should've started at the dungeon of geeks, because they have dead consoles all over the store and they are usually more than happy to part them out.

So I dropped into the dungeon of geeks and Megan went into the hoochie fashion center next door. The geek on command basically talked to me like I was an idiot. He told me to go wire the power supply directly to the circuit board. When I asked him how (because it's two wires coming from the power supply going into three holes on the board). He told me not to worry about the third hole because it's for the ground, which is not important because the powers supply is only 9 volts. He said he'd seen many Atari's wired this way. I must say, however, that he was wrong about the third hole. It isn't for the ground. It actually completes the circuit. Inside the jack is a little spring that compresses when the power supply is plugged in, completing the circuit and allowing the Atari to get juice. I officially know more about how to power an Atari than the geek in command. I don't know whether to be proud or to punish myself.

Anyway, when we got home I tried wiring the power supply directly to the board at least 6 different ways (I really should've used a multimeter and done it right the first time, but I don't have such things at my disposal). I got nothing every single time, which worried me a bit. I felt like a surgeon whose patient was flatlining on the operating table. It was like House except...you know...watchable. Before too long BJ and Shannon came over to drop off Megan's old bed (which is going into our spare oom so that when people like Paul come and spend the night they'll get an actual bed to sleep on) and whisk us away to the Hansen family get-together.

All of Megan's fam that live in the valley got together in Glendale for a labor day weekend pot luck. My attempts to watch a little college football were not fruitful, but there were only two sports fans among us (me and BJ) so needless to say, we didn't win out. The food was good and we had a pretty good time. For most of the time we were there all I could think about were the two wiring configurations I hadn't tried on the Atari (configurations that I would've tried first if I had thought about what I was doing before the soldering iron got hot. Oh, and I should also probably mention that I burnt myself with the soldering iron, and I also burnt Megan as well when she was holding a wire for me. I've been using a soldering iron since I was 12 and I've never had such back luck with it). BJ and Shannon didn't stay at the shindig too long, and they were our ride. So I got home in plenty of time to fix the Atari. I wired it up one more time, this time bypassing the hole for the spring-loaded circuit completer bit. I really didn't expect it to work, but it was my last option. When I plugged it in the board didn't fry, much to my surprise, and when I pushed the power switch the old machine came back to life. I could've wet myself I was so surprised and excited. I was actually pretty proud of myself despite the fact that I could've done it right the first time if I had really thought about it and not been so clumsy with the soldering iron. But I guess you live and learn. The next time I pull an Atari apart, I should have a much better idea of what I'm actually doing. So there ya go.

On Sunday Megan and I went to church as usual. We're really settling into the ward quite nicely. We forgot to bring our tithing check to church, so we slipped out before Sunday School and picked it up. I miss Sunday School a lot these days. I'm usually in the clerk's office requesting and pushing membership records. I got our tithing into the envelope and into the hands of a member of the bishopric. Then I sat down and did a little clerk work. I'm starting to get the hang of a few things now, so that's good.

After church I got the chance to do something I'd never done before and probably won't be doing too often: count tithing. I've seen Dad in the clerk's office working on tithing more than a few times, so it was a little weird to be doing it myself. I was entering the tithing amounts in the computer and Brother Powell (a member of our bishopric) was opening and sorting the envelopes. It was a little weird to enter my own tithing, but I guess I should get used to it.

After tithing, Megan and I headed over to her former roommate, Janae's, for dinner. They were supposed to have a couple other people over, but Megan and I were the only ones who showed up. So we got to chow down on a good pork tenderloin and some good cornbread. There was apparantly a salad too, but that sort of food is invisible to me, much in the same way that Taco Bell is. I just found out two days ago that I have a Taco Bell less than a half mile from my house. I wouldn't normally take note of this because when I see a Taco Bell, I don't see something that says, "There's food that you can eat here." I guess it's the same with salads. I just don't see it as a viable food source, so it is basically invisible to me.

On Monday Megan and I slept in for quite a while. Megan is doing this coupon saving thing so we can get our food cheap (it's tied in to a website where they help you maximize your coupons) so she was up and clipping coupons and I took the time to put some more Atari games on disk. So what ended up happening was that I was in my pajamas for most of the morning and into the afternoon. I got pretty much all the games I could think to put on a disk and Megan got us some cheap groceries, so that was a success.

We decided we had to get out of the house because for one, it's lame to be inside all day on labor day and secondly, I get a headache if I go a day without seeing the outside world. We dropped by DI, but they were closed because of the Holiday, so we had to go to Savers. I tell you, DI is so much better than most thrift stores. But we found a couple blank tapes (I'm constantly collecting blank cassette tapes so Megan and I can have music to drive to) and the USB cable we needed so Megan and I don't have to swap one cable between two printers. So our thrifting was a success. We also dropped by the reptile store. That's always a good time. They still have plenty of African Spurred tortoises, and Megan and I still want to get a couple. Turbo isn't doing too great these days and he's about half as big as he should be. I love that guy, but I really worry about him sometimes. Anyway, if Megan and I weren't tightening the ol' belt we could've easily picked out the two tortoises we would've taken home. But things being what they are, we just window shopped. Luckily the reptile store provides some of the best window shopping in the universe, so that's good.

When we got home, Megan and I decided to have us a little backyard weenie roast for dinner. We fired up the fire pit and burned away another good section of one of our dead trees. It was nice to be sitting in my own back yard with a good fire going and my wife at my side. The married life is so much better than the single life was. We had our hot dogs and the best smores I've ever had in my life and watched the fire die down to coals. All in all it was a fantastic weekend.

Oh, one last thing I'll mention: I finished my summer baseball reading. I read "Shoeless Joe" by W.P. Kinsella and "The Natural" by Bernard Malamud. I finished "Shoeless Joe" last week, and I was very impressed. The story seems even less probable in the book than it does in the movie, which makes it all the more magical. Also, the writer Ray picks up is J.D. Salinger, not the fictional Terrence Mann. It makes a big difference.

As for "The Natural," which I just finished today, the dust is still settling on that one. As you must know, the book ends way differently than the movie does. The movie is all about redemption, but the book is all about disillusion and the fall of heroes. Honestly, I found the book fairly depressing in the end. We have so few true heroes in baseball now and I don't need to be reminded of the impurities of the sport and its athletes. But I can't say the book wasn't well-written and I do feel differently about how the movie ends now that I've read the book. It would be like seeing the movie version of "The Count of Monte Cristo" and getting the message that you can get caught up in revenge and your life will turn out just fine and then you read the book and get the message that a person seeking revenge will never be at peace and will never be happy. It's a night and day difference. I think I have to watch "Field of Dreams" and "The Natural" now and compare them to their respective books. So there ya go, baseball books and their movie versions.

Anyway, I think that's all you need to know about this last weekend. Even if it isn't I'm going to stop because Megan and I are going to watch Monk now.