Hey everybody. I know it's been a million years or so since I last wrote in this blog. I think the last time I wrote I didn't know I was going to be student teaching yet. Yeah, it was a strange turn of events. I was #7 out of 6 student teachers I didn't think my phone would ring this summer, but fate intervened. Brother Barker, whom I have not met but I have every reason to believe is a fine upstanding teacher, had ASU up his credit requirement and he didn't graduate. Since you have to have a Bachelor's degree to teach, he got bumped and I got his spot. It's certainly a lot like being called up from the minor leagues in baseball: you don't get to come up unless someone else gets hurt. Anyway, I got my call from Brother Moon and he asked if I would like to teach and it took less than a millisecond to decide.
So I've been teaching for nearly a month now (yeah, I know I'm covering ground everybody is familiar with now, but I need to have a record of it so I can look back and remember) and it's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. At first I had just two classes out in Queen Creek. The schools out in Queen Creek are on a modified year-round schedule, so I started teaching on the 19th of August. It was a bit weird because at first I was making the big commute out to Queen Creek bright and early to teach my first and second hour classes, coming back home to change into my work duds and working the last half of the day at the balloon store. Working at the balloon store got a little depressing because it was a job that paid the bills, but it wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my life.
Fast forward to the point where I had been teaching at Queen Creek for a week and a half and we were having our last preservice inservice, and Brother Moon asked if anyone wanted to pick up another class. I told him I would pick up the extra class and he told me he would work on it for me. I was super excited because I thought I could quit my job at the balloon store and start focusing on just teaching. Brother Moon called me back and initially told me I would get the class, but he then called me back and told me that they wouldn't have the class for me after all. During this time I had put in my two week notice at the balloon store and had to retract it. Then I got another call from Brother Moon who offered me a class at Heritage Academy. Once I got that class I put my two week notice in again and I was off and rolling.
The fun thing about Heritage Academy is that Brady Bingham is the other teacher there. It's funny because they're the other people Paul and Carrie stay with when they're down here. So all the stars were aligning and it was hard to believe that this would be anything but a bed of roses.
Of course the truth of it is that it hasn't been a complete bed of roses. When I taught my two weeks at Mesa while I was taking the classes, I was working with a class that wasn't mine. They liked having a change of pace for two weeks, but they knew that in the end they would be going right back to Brother Dixon. I've found it a very different experience teaching a class that is mine and mine alone.
It's been an out of the frying pan into the fire type of experience. There are classroom management things that I'm having to take care of that I've never taken care of before. There are discipline issues that I'm taking care of that I've never taken care of before. I've even changed around my seating chart because two of my students went on a bad date and some feelings were hurt and they needed to not sit so close to each other.
Also, the strengths I have always fallen back on as a teacher don't seem to matter right now. I know I'm being pulled and stretched, but I have to admit that at times I go home and wonder if I'll ever learn to teach the way that seminary teachers are supposed to teach. My problem is that I talk too much and I don't let my students do enough. That has consistently been my weakness.
Not only that, but I had an evaluation this week and I didn't even get into the important part of the lesson because it was a shortened day and there was too much business to get through at the top of the class. So my evaluation came back really poor and I got a, "Why did you think they needed this lesson?" type question. It's been very hard to handle. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever grow up to be a good teacher.
Now that I've taken everything down, here's the up: every seminary teacher I've talked to has had experiences like the ones I've had. Brother Johnson, one of the other teachers at Queen Creek, told me that when people tell his wife they are thinking of going into CES she tells them, "Are you sure? Are you really really sure?" She asks because he felt a lot of the same things I've felt so far. The good thing is that Brother Moon is a very nice guy. Brother Woodbrey had a preservice director who used to say really mean things like, "I can't believe I thought it was a good idea to put you in the classroom" or my personal favorite: "Your students would have been better off if they had ditched today." Brother Moon is very good when he gives me criticism and I take it in the spirit in which it is intended.
Also, I understand that in order for me to become a good teacher, I have to rid myself of some bad habits and allow myself to be rebuilt from scratch in places. I am putting all my time and efforts into becoming the teacher I'm sure you all think I am. I know I can be a good teacher and I'm not giving up on the dream. There's still no reason to think that I couldn't turn this all around and become a very good seminary teacher. I just needed to make sure I record the fact that it hasn't been a bowl of cherries. It's hard to be a seminary teacher. It's harder work and more exhausting than you would think. I am only now beginning to understand why there is such a tough screening process. Not everyone is meant to do this for a living. Very few people get to do it. I just hope I get to be one of them.