I've had plenty of time to write an update to this here blog since I last wrote, but I didn't feel like writing. There isn't a lot of happy news coming down the pike these days (I actually just spent about half an hour looking up the origins of the term, "down the pike." I couldn't decide whether "down the pipe" or "down the pike" is correct. They're actually both correct. "Down the pike" is the original idiom, with the word "pike" being short for "turnpike." Since we don't really do turnpikes these days, "down the pipe" makes a lot more sense to us. I chose to go with the archaic phrase because that's how I roll: olde school. Take a look at this discussion if you are at all interested in the origins of this phrase)
Anyway, the point is that Megan isn't having a tonne of success finding a new job and strange things keep happening. I really should make an official list of things that have been piled on us since Megan lost her job. If you're scoring at home add, "Megan got a $180 photo radar ticket" to the list. Yeah, things like that keep happening. We even thought Megan might have been pregnant there for a while, but we were glad to find out that she isn't. Not that we don't want kids, it's just that we don't want to start having kids during a time when I might be losing my job and we don't know how we'll be paying our bills from month to month.
I have to admit that there have been times when Megan and I have just laughed as things are piled upon us. Then there are other times when we make comparisons to the story of Job, which is probably not a good idea because it only seems to lead to more stuff being heaped upon us. I'm sure we'll make it through to the other side one way or another, but there are days when things look particularly hopeless.
Today I seem to have convinced myself that I'll be losing my job for sure. I acknowledge the fact that losing this job might turn into one of the best things that could ever happen to me, but I wouldn't make the argument that it would be fun or enjoyable. As I consider what may or may not happen come January, there are only two outcomes that I would consider acceptable: 1) The boss man loses his job 2) I lose mine. If it turns out that nobody loses their job, I'll be more than a little upset. If I lose my job I get three months of paid leave to look for a new job. If the boss man loses his job, ever day would feel like a vacation. If nothing happens, things will be as miserable as ever. If my coworker loses his job, I'll be doing more than twice the work for the same pay. Neither of those situations are appealing at all.
Sometimes I feel like I would have to get laid off to leave this place. At the end of the day, it's a really cushy job. Yes, I work for someone who hates me and actively tries to make things miserable for me, but there's only so much he can do. I still work in a library, so it's not like if I worked in sales where every day would stink even if I had a good boss. It's a sliding scale of misery and certainly when evaluating the pros and cons, you find that the cushiness of this job is what makes it tolerable. If I lost the cushiness of having a coworker in whom I can confide and share a loathing for the people we have to put up with, I'm fairly certain I would go insane. On the other hand, I am clearly reaching my limit as to what I will put up with from the boss man and what he will put up with from me. It's all coming to a head.
On the one hand, I would love to be pushed out of this job so I would be forced to do something else with my life. The only reason I wouldn't want to lose this job is because I don't want to give the boss man the satisfaction of knowing that he has anything over me. It would be awesome to see the boss man lose his job because it would renew the faith in God, humanity, karma, and every just, divine, and good principle or person if he got his comeuppance. On the other hand, if he goes and I stay, I would be tempted to stay forever because of the new levels of cushiness that would be added by his absence. I don't want to be doing this when I'm his age, so I don't know what to think.
I'm not certain of when exactly we'll find out about who goes and stays (if the layoffs affect anyone in this library at all, that is). A staff member who used to work here sent us an email telling us not to worry because most of the cuts will be coming to people who don't actually interact with patrons, and that most of the layoffs will be people from technical services and one of the other libraries. That being the case, there is still a possibility that someone might be going from this library. So I don't know what to expect. I do know that from day to day my feelings on the matter tend to vary wildly. I convinced myself that I was getting laid off for sure at least twice today, only to calm myself back down. At the moment, I think I might get laid off, but I'm thinking of how nice it would be to get paid to not work here for a few months. That would be sweet.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Okay, now I'm back from a 2 hour break. That just flew by for you, didn't it? It was pretty quick for me, too. I just got an early Christmas present. The head honcho let us know that the boss man will be gone for the next couple weeks. I will celebrate the entire Christmas season without seeing the grizzled visage of the boss man. The only thing that could be better than this would be: him getting laid off. A fella can dream, can't he? I do find it funny that we found out about his 2 week vacation less than half an hour before he left. My coworker and I had to submit our requests for holiday leave in early October. So clearly the rules that apply to us don't apply to him, but who cares? He's not going to be here and life will be grand. The way I see it, his vacation might be a result of one of the following things 1) The head honcho being sick of him complaining about how he never gets time off and how he loses his hours because he never uses them and they don't roll over. He seriously complains about this all the time, but he never does anything about it. 2) He knows he'll be getting laid off, so he's using up the hours that won't roll over so he can get paid for those that do. When you get laid off, you get paid for whatever vacation or sick hours you've accumulated. Only a certain number of hours will roll over. I'm hoping that he'll be getting laid off and that this sudden vacation is an indicator, but I really think this is wishful thinking. It would be nice if he got laid off, but there really isn't any reason for me to think that he will. 3) None of the above. He could have just done it on an impulse, which is a luxury only afforded to those in supervisory positions. Anyway, I need to stop analyzing this and start being grateful.
There were other things I was going to write about, but something tells me I might have time to do it tomorrow. So I'll just end this thing abruptly in such a way that it will leave you with a sort of, "Uh, I guess" kind of feeling. So there.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Cause For Concern
Hey everybody. In the grand old tradition of things going from bad to worse, I got some interesting and potentially frightening news today. Yesterday my coworker and I got an email telling us that we had to attend a mandatory meeting for which the subject matter was supposedly, "One University, Many Locations" or some other such nonsense. We were a little upset that we would have to take time out of our day for a meeting that seemingly had nothing to do with us, but when we went to the meeting today, we found that it definitely had something to do with us.
Within the first 30 seconds of the meeting, it became clear that this was not just a, "Let's bore you to tears with academic semantics and circular logic" type meeting. It had to do with the massive budget crunch the university finds itself in. As we have already seen, the university has cut some of its sports teams and the dance squad. When a university cuts anything in the athletic department, it's a sure sign that the coffers are officially empty.
So in the meeting today, we were told that the library system with have a budget nearly 10% smaller next year than it did this year. As I have already whined and complained about in other entries: the library system has already made massive cuts in material expenditures (like binding, which seems almost a foreign concept now that we've gone without it for a year) and now they are having to dump payroll in order to limbo in under the budget. What we were told was that with the budget nearly 10% smaller than it was last year, nearly 10% of the staff positions in the library system will be eliminated. There is a staff of 350-something people, which means that 30 or so of them will soon find themselves without jobs.
We won't find out until January whether or not our jobs are safe. We were told that the layoffs (they didn't specifically use the word, but it quacks like a duck, so...) would be based on whether or not certain functions can be eliminated and not on seniority, but we were also told that they would be following the already established ASU guidelines for reduction in workforce. According to those guidelines, the priority of people who are let go are: 1)Probationary employees (I'm well past my probationary period, so this does not apply to me) 2) Employees with recent evaluations on which they scored less than satisfactory (Also not me. I scored above satisfactory and have been breathing a big sigh of relief ever since) 3) Employees with satisfactory evaluations (That includes me).
So my coworker and I were talking about the possibility that we might be losing our jobs, and we don't know what to think. On the one hand, this library is already understaffed and I know the head librarian wouldn't want to lose one of us because it would be a long time before she could have a full staff again, which would be a huge inconvenience to everyone that stays. On the other hand, they hate me and they hate my coworker only slightly less than they hate me. I know that the boss man would love nothing more than an opportunity to get rid of me (Opportunities to get rid of staff members don't come along every day. Normally you have to commit a felony to be fired as a staff member) and I can't help but think that that might play into it. He has the head librarian's ear and the head librarian has the dean's ear and the dean is the one who has to decide who goes and who stays. But on the other other hand, more people in this library system hate the boss man than hate me and that might factor into it somehow.
I honestly have no idea how this will go. There can be an argument made for every permutation of layoffs as they affect this library. None of us could get laid off, which seems reasonable because we're understaffed as it is. My coworker could get laid off and I would end up doing his job and my job and getting paid my same salary despite doing two jobs, one of which normally has a higher salary than mine. This might happen because they would save more money getting rid of my coworker than they would in getting rid of me. I could get laid off. This seems a fairly likely outcome, considering how little people think of me 'round here and how much certain persons wish I didn't work here at all. The boss man could get laid off. This would be better than bread from heaven, but doesn't seem super likely. The only reasons this might happen would be if they offered him retirement (He has been here for over 30 years, mind you) or if the angry mob of people who have grown to hate him over the years pull together to get him out. I wouldn't put my money on this horse, but it's the one I'll be dreaming about at night. If he was eliminated, my coworker and I could easily take over his duties and there would be an immediate boost in efficiency and morale. But this makes too much sense. If I have learned anything from working here, it's that the things that make the most sense are the ones that are the least likely to happen.
Now here's where it gets interesting: if I get laid off, I would get 3 months of paid administrative leave. I wouldn't have to come into work fro 3 months and I would be getting paid for it. That time would be used to find a new job, but I'd still be making money. I would also be compensated for any unused sick or vacation hours accrued before the layoff date. That's really not that bad of a layoff package. When I consider the fact that I don't like this place and I would love to leave if only it didn't provide me job security; getting laid off could easily turn into a blessing in disguise. I could find a job I don't hate and get paid while I look for it. The only thing that keeps me from fully rooting for this outcome is the fact that Megan still doesn't have a job. This both scares me because we don't want to both be unemployed at the same time. But if she got a job soon and I get laid off, that might give us the leverage we need to get into a better career situation for the both of us. On the other other hand, it's been super tough for Megan to find a job and I'm not nearly as employable as she is (Majoring in communication. What was I thinking?!).
So the next month will be nothing if not interesting. If I didn't think our lives were being shaken up enough, they certainly are now. But to end it on a good note: Megan had a pre-interview with a job she applied for recently. It would be with the Chandler Chamber of Commerce (I think it is, anyway) and it sounds like a good job for her. She has applications in at other places and we're always on the lookout for additional ways to supplement our income. No matter what happens, we'll get through it. People are having hard times all over this country and Megan and I are not the worst off people on the block (Actually, I just found out that one of our neighbors from our ward lost their house. It happened a few weeks ago, but I just noticed the for sale by the bank sign on their front lawn recently. As I'm thinking about it, I can think of at least two other families that are harder off than we are). So we'll be counting our blessings and praying for the best possible outcomes to all this stuff.
So here's to hoping that Megan and I won't be both sitting at home unemployed in a few weeks. As always, we are grateful for your thoughts and prayers on our behalf. Things have a way of working out, and I'll put my money on the horse that says we'll make it through the other side of this stuff just fine.
Within the first 30 seconds of the meeting, it became clear that this was not just a, "Let's bore you to tears with academic semantics and circular logic" type meeting. It had to do with the massive budget crunch the university finds itself in. As we have already seen, the university has cut some of its sports teams and the dance squad. When a university cuts anything in the athletic department, it's a sure sign that the coffers are officially empty.
So in the meeting today, we were told that the library system with have a budget nearly 10% smaller next year than it did this year. As I have already whined and complained about in other entries: the library system has already made massive cuts in material expenditures (like binding, which seems almost a foreign concept now that we've gone without it for a year) and now they are having to dump payroll in order to limbo in under the budget. What we were told was that with the budget nearly 10% smaller than it was last year, nearly 10% of the staff positions in the library system will be eliminated. There is a staff of 350-something people, which means that 30 or so of them will soon find themselves without jobs.
We won't find out until January whether or not our jobs are safe. We were told that the layoffs (they didn't specifically use the word, but it quacks like a duck, so...) would be based on whether or not certain functions can be eliminated and not on seniority, but we were also told that they would be following the already established ASU guidelines for reduction in workforce. According to those guidelines, the priority of people who are let go are: 1)Probationary employees (I'm well past my probationary period, so this does not apply to me) 2) Employees with recent evaluations on which they scored less than satisfactory (Also not me. I scored above satisfactory and have been breathing a big sigh of relief ever since) 3) Employees with satisfactory evaluations (That includes me).
So my coworker and I were talking about the possibility that we might be losing our jobs, and we don't know what to think. On the one hand, this library is already understaffed and I know the head librarian wouldn't want to lose one of us because it would be a long time before she could have a full staff again, which would be a huge inconvenience to everyone that stays. On the other hand, they hate me and they hate my coworker only slightly less than they hate me. I know that the boss man would love nothing more than an opportunity to get rid of me (Opportunities to get rid of staff members don't come along every day. Normally you have to commit a felony to be fired as a staff member) and I can't help but think that that might play into it. He has the head librarian's ear and the head librarian has the dean's ear and the dean is the one who has to decide who goes and who stays. But on the other other hand, more people in this library system hate the boss man than hate me and that might factor into it somehow.
I honestly have no idea how this will go. There can be an argument made for every permutation of layoffs as they affect this library. None of us could get laid off, which seems reasonable because we're understaffed as it is. My coworker could get laid off and I would end up doing his job and my job and getting paid my same salary despite doing two jobs, one of which normally has a higher salary than mine. This might happen because they would save more money getting rid of my coworker than they would in getting rid of me. I could get laid off. This seems a fairly likely outcome, considering how little people think of me 'round here and how much certain persons wish I didn't work here at all. The boss man could get laid off. This would be better than bread from heaven, but doesn't seem super likely. The only reasons this might happen would be if they offered him retirement (He has been here for over 30 years, mind you) or if the angry mob of people who have grown to hate him over the years pull together to get him out. I wouldn't put my money on this horse, but it's the one I'll be dreaming about at night. If he was eliminated, my coworker and I could easily take over his duties and there would be an immediate boost in efficiency and morale. But this makes too much sense. If I have learned anything from working here, it's that the things that make the most sense are the ones that are the least likely to happen.
Now here's where it gets interesting: if I get laid off, I would get 3 months of paid administrative leave. I wouldn't have to come into work fro 3 months and I would be getting paid for it. That time would be used to find a new job, but I'd still be making money. I would also be compensated for any unused sick or vacation hours accrued before the layoff date. That's really not that bad of a layoff package. When I consider the fact that I don't like this place and I would love to leave if only it didn't provide me job security; getting laid off could easily turn into a blessing in disguise. I could find a job I don't hate and get paid while I look for it. The only thing that keeps me from fully rooting for this outcome is the fact that Megan still doesn't have a job. This both scares me because we don't want to both be unemployed at the same time. But if she got a job soon and I get laid off, that might give us the leverage we need to get into a better career situation for the both of us. On the other other hand, it's been super tough for Megan to find a job and I'm not nearly as employable as she is (Majoring in communication. What was I thinking?!).
So the next month will be nothing if not interesting. If I didn't think our lives were being shaken up enough, they certainly are now. But to end it on a good note: Megan had a pre-interview with a job she applied for recently. It would be with the Chandler Chamber of Commerce (I think it is, anyway) and it sounds like a good job for her. She has applications in at other places and we're always on the lookout for additional ways to supplement our income. No matter what happens, we'll get through it. People are having hard times all over this country and Megan and I are not the worst off people on the block (Actually, I just found out that one of our neighbors from our ward lost their house. It happened a few weeks ago, but I just noticed the for sale by the bank sign on their front lawn recently. As I'm thinking about it, I can think of at least two other families that are harder off than we are). So we'll be counting our blessings and praying for the best possible outcomes to all this stuff.
So here's to hoping that Megan and I won't be both sitting at home unemployed in a few weeks. As always, we are grateful for your thoughts and prayers on our behalf. Things have a way of working out, and I'll put my money on the horse that says we'll make it through the other side of this stuff just fine.
Monday, December 08, 2008
As Much as I can Say in Under 30 Minutes
So I have 30 minutes to sum up everything that has happened since I last wrote (and I can't remember when that was). So this will not be a thorough update of everything you need to know about everything. It'll be as much as I can give in the short time allotted.
So Megan was sick as a dog on her birthday. That's about as depressing a thought as you can imagine. We think it might be some bad coleslaw she ate the night before. I can't think of a worse way to spend your birthday than throwing up. When we got up on Saturday morning, she was pretty much wiped out. I went to the store to get her some Alligator Helper, which I gave to her and closed the bedroom door so she could rest. About a minute later I heard her faintly call my name. She was so weak from being sick, she couldn't open the bottle. So physically, Megan was having about the worst birthday anyone could ever hope to have. I really felt bad for her.
Saturday, in addition to being Megan's birthday, was our niece Jane's baptism. All of Megan's family that lives here in the valley showed up for the baptism and we all went to the park and had a little picnic afterward. Some of the brothers-in-law and I got a game of Bocce (see also: boulles, petanque, bowls) going. Aside from Megan still feeling a bit under the weather (she did feel better as the day went on) it was a lovely day and a good time was had by all.
Paul and Carrie spent the night at our place (in separate rooms on opposite ends of the house) on Friday night. They were in town so Carrie could do a dress fitting and try some hair styles (Paul ended up borrowing my Dave Barry book to keep himself entertained that day). Anyway, I think it was funny that Carrie didn't stay with her brother because his kids were all throwing up and she can't stand to be around people who are throwing up. So of course Megan was throwing up all night and morning, which thrilled Carrie I'm sure.
Megan's car has been acting up lately and I officially need to stop thinking things that begin with, "Well, at least..." Because just last week when I was pondering our various financial troubles I actually thought, "Well, at least we aren't having car troubles." So now Megan's car won't start if she doesn't run it for a while first. So if she tries to run an errand, she has to plan on staying for an hour or so. It's a pain and I would let her take my car, but she doesn't know how to drive stick. So that's fun. I honestly need to sit down sometime and tally up all the things that have added to the degree of difficulty in our current predicament.
There is hope. Megan has been getting some more sub jobs and she got a call back from one of the jobs she applied to recently. She'll be doing a phone interview, which we're pretty sure is just a pre-screening, but it's more than we've had for a while. So there's still hope.
We've got our Christmas tree up, and it looks really nice. I bought a fake tree for the apartment last year and I'm glad I did. It fits our house a lot better than our apartment. Between Megan and I, we had just enough ornaments to decorate it. We have some presents under the tree. I know what all mine are because apparently I'm hard to shop for and it's easier if I just hand things to Megan and tell her it's something I want. Most of our gifts are coming from Bookman's where we have a nice chunk of credit built up from trading things in. So this will probably be mostly a secondhand Christmas. That being the case, we're far from the first couple to have a small and inexpensive Christmas their first time out. This will be my first time apart from my mission where I spent Christmas away from St. Johns.
Well, that's about all I can fit in that amount of time. I wish I could write more and do it in a non-stream of consciousness way, but whaddaya do? The end.
So Megan was sick as a dog on her birthday. That's about as depressing a thought as you can imagine. We think it might be some bad coleslaw she ate the night before. I can't think of a worse way to spend your birthday than throwing up. When we got up on Saturday morning, she was pretty much wiped out. I went to the store to get her some Alligator Helper, which I gave to her and closed the bedroom door so she could rest. About a minute later I heard her faintly call my name. She was so weak from being sick, she couldn't open the bottle. So physically, Megan was having about the worst birthday anyone could ever hope to have. I really felt bad for her.
Saturday, in addition to being Megan's birthday, was our niece Jane's baptism. All of Megan's family that lives here in the valley showed up for the baptism and we all went to the park and had a little picnic afterward. Some of the brothers-in-law and I got a game of Bocce (see also: boulles, petanque, bowls) going. Aside from Megan still feeling a bit under the weather (she did feel better as the day went on) it was a lovely day and a good time was had by all.
Paul and Carrie spent the night at our place (in separate rooms on opposite ends of the house) on Friday night. They were in town so Carrie could do a dress fitting and try some hair styles (Paul ended up borrowing my Dave Barry book to keep himself entertained that day). Anyway, I think it was funny that Carrie didn't stay with her brother because his kids were all throwing up and she can't stand to be around people who are throwing up. So of course Megan was throwing up all night and morning, which thrilled Carrie I'm sure.
Megan's car has been acting up lately and I officially need to stop thinking things that begin with, "Well, at least..." Because just last week when I was pondering our various financial troubles I actually thought, "Well, at least we aren't having car troubles." So now Megan's car won't start if she doesn't run it for a while first. So if she tries to run an errand, she has to plan on staying for an hour or so. It's a pain and I would let her take my car, but she doesn't know how to drive stick. So that's fun. I honestly need to sit down sometime and tally up all the things that have added to the degree of difficulty in our current predicament.
There is hope. Megan has been getting some more sub jobs and she got a call back from one of the jobs she applied to recently. She'll be doing a phone interview, which we're pretty sure is just a pre-screening, but it's more than we've had for a while. So there's still hope.
We've got our Christmas tree up, and it looks really nice. I bought a fake tree for the apartment last year and I'm glad I did. It fits our house a lot better than our apartment. Between Megan and I, we had just enough ornaments to decorate it. We have some presents under the tree. I know what all mine are because apparently I'm hard to shop for and it's easier if I just hand things to Megan and tell her it's something I want. Most of our gifts are coming from Bookman's where we have a nice chunk of credit built up from trading things in. So this will probably be mostly a secondhand Christmas. That being the case, we're far from the first couple to have a small and inexpensive Christmas their first time out. This will be my first time apart from my mission where I spent Christmas away from St. Johns.
Well, that's about all I can fit in that amount of time. I wish I could write more and do it in a non-stream of consciousness way, but whaddaya do? The end.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Hope Springs Eternal
When I was in high school one of my heroes was Alexander Pope. I chose him as a hero for the same reason I chose Cyrano de Bergerac: they were witty and intelligent men that women would never be attracted to. I had fairly low self esteem in high school, but that's not the point I'm trying to make. Alexander Pope was one of the great writers of this or any other age. His heroic couplets tend to say more about humanity than most people can say in entire volumes. You may not know him by name but you probably know him by famous lines like these: "To err is human, to forgive divine" "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" "Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace." "A little Learning is a dang'rous Thing" "Love the offender, yet detest the offense" "Hope springs eternal in the human breast." As you can see, Alexander Pope has given us a murderer's row of quotable quotes.
In his "Essay on Man," Alexander Pope explains, among other things, the existence of evil in the world, the workings of God, and the answer to the age old question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Consider the following lines:
All Nature is but Art unknown to thee;
All chance direction, which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good
As you know, Megan and I are passing through some trials and tribulations and tests of our faith. It wasn't that long ago that Megan had 4 job interviews in a single week and I had an interview for a good job that I stood a decent chance of getting. That was over a month ago. We've seen several peaks and valleys in our hope since then. Currently, we're waiting to hear back from a job for which she has interviewed twice and has been told that she is the top candidate. But they're at the end of their fiscal year so they need to make sure they can afford to hire her. We were supposed to hear the news as to whether or not she'll get the job last Friday. Then we were told that they'd be having a meeting on Monday and we'd know by the end of the day. Now it's after 5:00 on Thursday and we're facing the possibility of going into another weekend without getting an answer.
We have another mortgage payment due soon. The Arizona Department of Revenue has, in it's infinite wisdom, decided to bill me twice for the same tax. The second time they billed me, they added a $100 bank fee, just to make things interesting. We're trying to get them to give us a refund as soon as possible, but there is no apparent haste on their end despite the fact that they didn't waste any time in billing me twice. Megan is finding it harder to bring in extra money. She isn't getting as much freelance work, we haven't been asked to house sit in dog's years (Dog's years! Get it?), and balloon tying hasn't brought in as much money as it used to. She doesn't get called up too often to substitute teach. She's trying to apply to as many jobs as she can, but design jobs are hard to come by these days. Add to that the fact that she's been pretty sick lately and might not feel good enough to tie balloons this weekend and you've got yourself a world class conundrum. There are probably other depressing factors in our financial situation, but I don't want to recount every little detail.
We're obviously in a situation that we are powerless to deliver ourselves from. We're not in this situation due to bad financial planning or extravagant spending. We have been putting money into our savings account every month since the beginning. We bought a house that was well under the amount of money banks were willing to loan to us. We've been shopping at thrift stores, second-hand stores, and yard sales even before Megan lost her job. We're frugal people, but these are tough economic times where people like Megan and I are struggling to get by. I could get political and blame things like deregulation of banks and the proliferation of predatory and subprime lending, but I'm not going to. From the beginning Megan and I have seen this as a test of our faith. I would be lying to you if I told you that my faith has not wavered at times during the past few months. Yet we soldier on. We continue to do all that we can do and put our trust in the only power that can deliver us.
Now let's get back to Alexander Pope. In those 4 lines he is telling us that there may be things in this world that we may judge to be evil, discordant, or the product of chance. I think back to a talk given in our last Stake Priesthood meeting. We were told that there are three types of storms in this life: 1) Those we are to avoid 2) Those we are to endure, and 3) Those we are to enjoy. I can't say that Megan and I have been jumping on the bed shouting, "Yeah! You lost your job! Isn't this fun?!" But we have drawn closer together in this time of trial. I can see actual tangible blessings that have come from merely enduring this trial and trying not to whine so much (That's a problem for me. I can be a big whiner). From the outset Megan and I have not judged the fact that she lost her job as evil, discordant, or the product of chance. We know that were are supposed to be learning and growing. Maybe we haven't learned all we need to learn yet. Maybe we haven't grown in all the ways we're supposed to, but I do know that we will be fine. We will make it through to the other side and be better for it. In the end these things will be good, harmonious, and they will point us in the direction we were intended to go.
When Megan is feeling particularly down I always ask her two questions: "What do we always land on?" and "How are things going to turn out." The correct answers are "our feet" and "just fine," respectively. This trial is turning into one of the most difficult things I have ever been called to endure, but the blessings are already showing. We know that everything will work for our good and we will be thankful in the end. I remind Megan that someday we'll be able to laugh about this. Every married couple has stories about, "We we so poor back when..." or "We were literally just living on love back when..." and Megan and I are carving out some of our own. There will probably be other lean times in our lives as well (especially when we start having kids) but we're learning how to get through it in the here and now.
When I was single I got used to being able to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. Now every purchase is carefully planned. One of the most important aspects of this trial is learning to be less selfish, which is hard. When you're single it literally is all about you. You're working on self improvement, you spend all your money on yourself, you do things that make you happy. When it comes don to it, young singlehood is probably the most selfish time of your life. Now I'm part of a partnership and I can't do what I want when I want to do it. There are compromises and sacrifices that need to be made and we're making them together.
I don't know if I should be throwing this up here because it's kind of a personal intimate moment, but here goes: Megan was feeling pretty down last night. It's understandable. Another day had come and gone without hearing about this job. She was sick as a dog and things looked particularly hopeless. She had laid down to sleep, but was having a hard time breathing with her nose stuffed up. She was losing her voice and couldn't say more than a couple words at a time, so she couldn't tell me everything she was thinking. She was feeling particularly helpless. So I got the chance to hold my crying wife in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. The memory that came to my mind was of the women's pull on the trek. The women in our family had to pull the handcart up one side of a hill and down the other. The men were not allowed to help pull, but we helped by taking whatever heavy items we could get our hands on and carrying them to make the cart lighter. But the women had to struggle under the weight of the cart. In any decent trek, the women's pull tends to be one of the most memorable parts of the experience. The reason I bring up this memory of the women's pull is that as I held my sobbing wife, I couldn't help but sense how much harder this is for her than it is for me.
My life is ostensibly the same now as it was before Megan lost her job. I raise my hopes with her as opportunities have come and I have mourned with her as those opportunities have passed us by. I share the emotional baggage of this situation as well, but I can tell that she feels it more than I do. Any time you lose a job and have trouble finding a new one, the psychological pressure can be unbearable. The fact that she has borne it as well as she has is a testament to her strength. As I held her last night I couldn't help thinking, "She's the one who lost a job, not me. She's the one who is so sick she can barely speak, not me. She's the one who has to find ways to fill her days with productive things despite all temptation to wallow in despair, not me." It has been hard to have things stay relatively the same for me and change so drastically for her. I feel selfish. I feel like it should be harder for me (Then I reconsider, because it's plenty hard as is). Anyway, I can't make the point in writing that I can see in my head. Know this: Megan is a woman of strength and integrity. I lucked out when I married her and I hope I always remember that.
Anyway, I've wandered all round the point of this entry so much that you should be able to read it and get some sense of what I'm talking about. We're still hopeful and we still believe that things will work out and we'll be fine. As always, we are grateful for your love and prayers.
In his "Essay on Man," Alexander Pope explains, among other things, the existence of evil in the world, the workings of God, and the answer to the age old question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Consider the following lines:
All Nature is but Art unknown to thee;
All chance direction, which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good
As you know, Megan and I are passing through some trials and tribulations and tests of our faith. It wasn't that long ago that Megan had 4 job interviews in a single week and I had an interview for a good job that I stood a decent chance of getting. That was over a month ago. We've seen several peaks and valleys in our hope since then. Currently, we're waiting to hear back from a job for which she has interviewed twice and has been told that she is the top candidate. But they're at the end of their fiscal year so they need to make sure they can afford to hire her. We were supposed to hear the news as to whether or not she'll get the job last Friday. Then we were told that they'd be having a meeting on Monday and we'd know by the end of the day. Now it's after 5:00 on Thursday and we're facing the possibility of going into another weekend without getting an answer.
We have another mortgage payment due soon. The Arizona Department of Revenue has, in it's infinite wisdom, decided to bill me twice for the same tax. The second time they billed me, they added a $100 bank fee, just to make things interesting. We're trying to get them to give us a refund as soon as possible, but there is no apparent haste on their end despite the fact that they didn't waste any time in billing me twice. Megan is finding it harder to bring in extra money. She isn't getting as much freelance work, we haven't been asked to house sit in dog's years (Dog's years! Get it?), and balloon tying hasn't brought in as much money as it used to. She doesn't get called up too often to substitute teach. She's trying to apply to as many jobs as she can, but design jobs are hard to come by these days. Add to that the fact that she's been pretty sick lately and might not feel good enough to tie balloons this weekend and you've got yourself a world class conundrum. There are probably other depressing factors in our financial situation, but I don't want to recount every little detail.
We're obviously in a situation that we are powerless to deliver ourselves from. We're not in this situation due to bad financial planning or extravagant spending. We have been putting money into our savings account every month since the beginning. We bought a house that was well under the amount of money banks were willing to loan to us. We've been shopping at thrift stores, second-hand stores, and yard sales even before Megan lost her job. We're frugal people, but these are tough economic times where people like Megan and I are struggling to get by. I could get political and blame things like deregulation of banks and the proliferation of predatory and subprime lending, but I'm not going to. From the beginning Megan and I have seen this as a test of our faith. I would be lying to you if I told you that my faith has not wavered at times during the past few months. Yet we soldier on. We continue to do all that we can do and put our trust in the only power that can deliver us.
Now let's get back to Alexander Pope. In those 4 lines he is telling us that there may be things in this world that we may judge to be evil, discordant, or the product of chance. I think back to a talk given in our last Stake Priesthood meeting. We were told that there are three types of storms in this life: 1) Those we are to avoid 2) Those we are to endure, and 3) Those we are to enjoy. I can't say that Megan and I have been jumping on the bed shouting, "Yeah! You lost your job! Isn't this fun?!" But we have drawn closer together in this time of trial. I can see actual tangible blessings that have come from merely enduring this trial and trying not to whine so much (That's a problem for me. I can be a big whiner). From the outset Megan and I have not judged the fact that she lost her job as evil, discordant, or the product of chance. We know that were are supposed to be learning and growing. Maybe we haven't learned all we need to learn yet. Maybe we haven't grown in all the ways we're supposed to, but I do know that we will be fine. We will make it through to the other side and be better for it. In the end these things will be good, harmonious, and they will point us in the direction we were intended to go.
When Megan is feeling particularly down I always ask her two questions: "What do we always land on?" and "How are things going to turn out." The correct answers are "our feet" and "just fine," respectively. This trial is turning into one of the most difficult things I have ever been called to endure, but the blessings are already showing. We know that everything will work for our good and we will be thankful in the end. I remind Megan that someday we'll be able to laugh about this. Every married couple has stories about, "We we so poor back when..." or "We were literally just living on love back when..." and Megan and I are carving out some of our own. There will probably be other lean times in our lives as well (especially when we start having kids) but we're learning how to get through it in the here and now.
When I was single I got used to being able to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. Now every purchase is carefully planned. One of the most important aspects of this trial is learning to be less selfish, which is hard. When you're single it literally is all about you. You're working on self improvement, you spend all your money on yourself, you do things that make you happy. When it comes don to it, young singlehood is probably the most selfish time of your life. Now I'm part of a partnership and I can't do what I want when I want to do it. There are compromises and sacrifices that need to be made and we're making them together.
I don't know if I should be throwing this up here because it's kind of a personal intimate moment, but here goes: Megan was feeling pretty down last night. It's understandable. Another day had come and gone without hearing about this job. She was sick as a dog and things looked particularly hopeless. She had laid down to sleep, but was having a hard time breathing with her nose stuffed up. She was losing her voice and couldn't say more than a couple words at a time, so she couldn't tell me everything she was thinking. She was feeling particularly helpless. So I got the chance to hold my crying wife in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. The memory that came to my mind was of the women's pull on the trek. The women in our family had to pull the handcart up one side of a hill and down the other. The men were not allowed to help pull, but we helped by taking whatever heavy items we could get our hands on and carrying them to make the cart lighter. But the women had to struggle under the weight of the cart. In any decent trek, the women's pull tends to be one of the most memorable parts of the experience. The reason I bring up this memory of the women's pull is that as I held my sobbing wife, I couldn't help but sense how much harder this is for her than it is for me.
My life is ostensibly the same now as it was before Megan lost her job. I raise my hopes with her as opportunities have come and I have mourned with her as those opportunities have passed us by. I share the emotional baggage of this situation as well, but I can tell that she feels it more than I do. Any time you lose a job and have trouble finding a new one, the psychological pressure can be unbearable. The fact that she has borne it as well as she has is a testament to her strength. As I held her last night I couldn't help thinking, "She's the one who lost a job, not me. She's the one who is so sick she can barely speak, not me. She's the one who has to find ways to fill her days with productive things despite all temptation to wallow in despair, not me." It has been hard to have things stay relatively the same for me and change so drastically for her. I feel selfish. I feel like it should be harder for me (Then I reconsider, because it's plenty hard as is). Anyway, I can't make the point in writing that I can see in my head. Know this: Megan is a woman of strength and integrity. I lucked out when I married her and I hope I always remember that.
Anyway, I've wandered all round the point of this entry so much that you should be able to read it and get some sense of what I'm talking about. We're still hopeful and we still believe that things will work out and we'll be fine. As always, we are grateful for your love and prayers.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sorry for the Silence
I just realized how long it's been since either of us updated the blog. I think I was just wanting to update it with some really exciting news, so I've been holding off in hopes that the news will come soon, but it hasn't quite yet.
For the third consecutive working day, I might find out if I have a job today! I got an email from FreeLife International last Monday letting me know that I am the candidate they want for the job. Since it is the end of the year and the budget, they have to reevaluate all new positions. In the email I was told that they should know by the end of the week and to give her a call if I hadn't hear by then. I hadn't, so I gave her a call and left a message figuring that I would find out on Monday. I called on Monday and found out that they don't know yet, but they have a meeting today and hopefully they will have the approval at the end of the meeting. So maybe just maybe they will call me today and tell me that I've got the job. So, it's news that doesn't really tell us anything but I'm grateful to have it. If nothing else, I'm at least who they want for the job.
I had a job interview yesterday with Macayos's Restaurants wanting a contract graphic designer. The interview moved at about 100 miles an hour going between my application, my resume, the story of me, my resume, my story, my application, my portfolio, my resume, my story, ext. By the end, I think the interview went well, but it's only a good option if I decide to do just freelance work. I would have less than part time hours, but they would want me to come in during the day during working hours on occasion to work on stuff. I don't think I could do this if I had a full time job. It is nice to have another prospect our there anyway.
I had my first substitute teaching assignment on the 6th. I taught preschools special ed. It was actually really fun. I got to run circle and sing songs do crafts with the kids. I had my second sub job on the 7th and 10th. It was to teach the Emotionally Disturbed kids over at a special school over in Mesa. I was terrified out of my gourd on Thursday night. Since I haven't had any sub experience to speak of in the past, I was nervous of whether or not I could control ANY classroom and now I was supposed to teach a class of students that are in that class because they act up - sometime violently. I had James give me a blessing before I left for the school. I wanted to get there really early, but I ended up running late so I only got there 15 minutes before class started. I was scrambling trying to find the lesson plans and get a handle over them before class started. I was relieved to find that the class had an aide who was a great help throughout the day. She handled most of the discipline of the children and I could just teach. I panicked when it came time to teach math because we were adding, subtracting, and multiplying fractions. Since I haven't touched math class in 7 years I wasn't sure if remembered how to do that stuff. Just in time I found the teacher's edition of the math book that had all the answers in it, so I at least knew I had the right answers. To my relief for the last half of the day we just watched movies.
On Monday I got to do the whole thing over again and I thought it would be easier because I had done it already and knew the kids. It wasn't easier. During language the first hour I had one student refuse to sit down and take of his hat and sunglasses just because he was looking for ways to act up. During reading I had to take away the pencil of a boy who kept beating it on the desk to annoy me and the other students after I asked him three times to stop. When I took his pencil, he threw back his chair and screamed F@#$% You! Then he tried to rip the book in half and kicked the wall. Oops. The assistant got him to relax quickly and after I got him to promise not to take the pencil away again I gave it back to him.
Things went smoothly for a while after that but in Science the same kid who refused to take off this had and sunglasses got into an obscene yelling match with one of the other students calling him gay in very colorful language and hand gestures. The class aide eventually put him in the time-out room (which is a closed off area in the classroom) but he was still so loud that not one could concentrate. Since there was only five minutes left of class we all just had to listen to the disgusting remarks and try to talk the victim of the verbal abuse to not go back there and kill him. Needless to day, I was happy when that day was over. In the end the class aide really liked me and is going to refer me to be the sub every time the teacher is out. I guess if I can succeed as a sub there, I can succeed anywhere.
I will keep you posted of what I hear about the FreeLife International job.
Megan
For the third consecutive working day, I might find out if I have a job today! I got an email from FreeLife International last Monday letting me know that I am the candidate they want for the job. Since it is the end of the year and the budget, they have to reevaluate all new positions. In the email I was told that they should know by the end of the week and to give her a call if I hadn't hear by then. I hadn't, so I gave her a call and left a message figuring that I would find out on Monday. I called on Monday and found out that they don't know yet, but they have a meeting today and hopefully they will have the approval at the end of the meeting. So maybe just maybe they will call me today and tell me that I've got the job. So, it's news that doesn't really tell us anything but I'm grateful to have it. If nothing else, I'm at least who they want for the job.
I had a job interview yesterday with Macayos's Restaurants wanting a contract graphic designer. The interview moved at about 100 miles an hour going between my application, my resume, the story of me, my resume, my story, my application, my portfolio, my resume, my story, ext. By the end, I think the interview went well, but it's only a good option if I decide to do just freelance work. I would have less than part time hours, but they would want me to come in during the day during working hours on occasion to work on stuff. I don't think I could do this if I had a full time job. It is nice to have another prospect our there anyway.
I had my first substitute teaching assignment on the 6th. I taught preschools special ed. It was actually really fun. I got to run circle and sing songs do crafts with the kids. I had my second sub job on the 7th and 10th. It was to teach the Emotionally Disturbed kids over at a special school over in Mesa. I was terrified out of my gourd on Thursday night. Since I haven't had any sub experience to speak of in the past, I was nervous of whether or not I could control ANY classroom and now I was supposed to teach a class of students that are in that class because they act up - sometime violently. I had James give me a blessing before I left for the school. I wanted to get there really early, but I ended up running late so I only got there 15 minutes before class started. I was scrambling trying to find the lesson plans and get a handle over them before class started. I was relieved to find that the class had an aide who was a great help throughout the day. She handled most of the discipline of the children and I could just teach. I panicked when it came time to teach math because we were adding, subtracting, and multiplying fractions. Since I haven't touched math class in 7 years I wasn't sure if remembered how to do that stuff. Just in time I found the teacher's edition of the math book that had all the answers in it, so I at least knew I had the right answers. To my relief for the last half of the day we just watched movies.
On Monday I got to do the whole thing over again and I thought it would be easier because I had done it already and knew the kids. It wasn't easier. During language the first hour I had one student refuse to sit down and take of his hat and sunglasses just because he was looking for ways to act up. During reading I had to take away the pencil of a boy who kept beating it on the desk to annoy me and the other students after I asked him three times to stop. When I took his pencil, he threw back his chair and screamed F@#$% You! Then he tried to rip the book in half and kicked the wall. Oops. The assistant got him to relax quickly and after I got him to promise not to take the pencil away again I gave it back to him.
Things went smoothly for a while after that but in Science the same kid who refused to take off this had and sunglasses got into an obscene yelling match with one of the other students calling him gay in very colorful language and hand gestures. The class aide eventually put him in the time-out room (which is a closed off area in the classroom) but he was still so loud that not one could concentrate. Since there was only five minutes left of class we all just had to listen to the disgusting remarks and try to talk the victim of the verbal abuse to not go back there and kill him. Needless to day, I was happy when that day was over. In the end the class aide really liked me and is going to refer me to be the sub every time the teacher is out. I guess if I can succeed as a sub there, I can succeed anywhere.
I will keep you posted of what I hear about the FreeLife International job.
Megan
Friday, November 07, 2008
Lincoln Said it Best
So the election is now behind us and we can stop being inundated with political ads and go right back to being inundated with ads that try to compel us into the sort of reckless debt-driven consumer behavior that got us into the financial mess we're in in the first place (though of course the consumers aren't the only ones to blame. The institutions who thought it was a good idea to lend money to people who have a history of not paying money back and then buy and sell those loans as if they were a commodity with any redeemable cash value had more to do with the pickle we're in than anything else. I think I'll take the safe road and blame everyone). But I feel I need to say a few things about my personal political stance before I let this thing go.
As some of you may remember, I used to be a Rush Limbaugh-listening Ayn Rand-reading hardcore right wing Republican. Now I'm a moderate who tries his best to look at the issues without throwing around terms like "liberal" or "conservative" which are tossed around so carelessly these days that they seem to have lost most of their meaning. I was a conservative in high school because that's what my friends were. It wasn't until I got out into the world a bit that I began to see that no single political party holds all the answers to every political question. Since high school I've seen poverty, corruption, crime, racism, and a whole slew of other sociopolitical problems that I just couldn't wrap my brain around in a hardcore conservative way. I also made friends with some hardcore Democrats and found more than a few hardcore Republicans that I couldn't stand. It didn't take long for me to see that my hard right stance wasn't right in every case and instance. Of course the left wasn't right all the time either. I soon found myself in a political no-man's-land where neither party fit my views and all the third parties seemed too radical or too absorbed in a single idea or issue. So what was I to do?
I began to look at the politics of this country as the swinging of a great pendulum. If it swings too far or too long to the left or the right, it upsets the delicate balance that keeps the political leanings of this country generally moderate. I don't think Democrats should be able to implement too many of their policies over too long a period of time and the same goes for the Republicans. If you think about the fact that George W. Bush has had a key to the front door of the White House for 20 of the last 28 years (It's true. There were 8 years where his father was Vice President under Reagan, 4 years where his father was President, and he has been President for 8 years) you can see that the delicate balance has been off kilter for a while. Bear in mind the fact that I have voted for Bush twice. I voted for him in the absence of better choices, and for campaign promises that he absolutely failed to live up to, but I did vote for him.
This year I voted for Obama. I did it proudly and happily. My only regret is that I didn't have two votes to cast for him because I woulda done it in a heartbeat. In the days leading up to and after the election, I have heard every slanderous accusation against Obama that you could imagine. I've heard him accused of not being a citizen of this country (a ridiculous argument because don't you think a candidate's citizenship is the first they check when you announce your candidacy?) I've heard him accused of being a terrorist (another ridiculous accusation which is absolutely false. But if it were true, which is isn't, it would represent a major breakdown in anti-terrorist intelligence, which is something I don't think Obama's accusers have considered). I've also seen him painted as a member of a radical Christian church and a Muslim, which are mutually exclusive religious affiliations. Fox news even went as far as to call a fist bump between Obama and his wife a "terrorist fist bump" or "terrorist fist jab." This is about as insane an argument as you can make. Megan and I have been bumping fists for a long time now and we have no ties to Al-Qaeda or the Taliban. It's a thing young people do and it is similar to a handshake or an old fashioned "high-five." I have just seen way too much mud slung Obama's way and so little of it has any bearing in reality.
Now please understand that I have a great amount of respect for McCain. When it was suggested that he should run for President, I told several people that I wished he wouldn't. He has done a lot of good as a Senator and has represented the state of Arizona with dignity and pride. I don't fault anyone who voted for McCain, just as I hope no one thinks any less of me for voting Obama way.
It breaks my heart to see how partisan this country has gotten. We have Democrats who think Republicans are heartless uneducated Bible-thumpers who wear bib overalls and have no grasp of the issues. We have Republicans who think Democrats are sandal-wearing hippies and godless heathens who have done so many drugs they wouldn't know an issue if they saw one. These generalizations don't really represent the makeup of either party. There are good people on both sides of every divisive issue in this country and I wish people would stop squabbling with each other long enough to realize that we're all just people trying to make the best of this world the only way we know how. We may go about it in different ways, but we're really not so different that we can't be friends.
Some of you may have missed the excellent speech Obama made after winning the election. I don't remember the last time I was as inspired by a political speech. Here are two quotes from that speech:
"I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead."
"Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too."
McCain's concession speech included similar sentiments. Here is a quote from that speech:
"I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our goodwill and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited."
McCain was gracious in defeat and Obama was gracious in victory. There has never been a time in my life where two such men opposed each other for the office of the President of the United States. I know that some of you are less than pleased that Obama won the election, and I know some of you may disagree with nearly everything I've said in this entry. But the words of Abraham Lincoln are as true now as they ever were. "We are not enemies, but friends." I sincerely hope that this country will learn to put aside its partisan ways. That talking heads on the news and on the radio would love nothing more than to see the citizens of this country go another 4 or 8 years bashing heads with one another, but that is not the way it is meant to be. "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law." We are not to do as Adlai Stevenson said we do as citizens, "Pick a President, and then for four years pick on him."
In the early days of the church, the saints were taught to seek legal recourse for the wrongdoings they suffered and to not take matters into their own hands. If you remember President Packer's talk from general conference, he talked about how the saints, upon reaching the Salt Lake Valley, held a patriotic parade the likes of which most of us have never seen in our lifetime. He said, "They chose patriotism and loyalty to that same government which had rejected and failed to assist them." There is much we can learn from the example of our pioneer ancestors.
Obama has not as yet set his hand to the bible to be sworn in as President of this country and there are those who refuse to give him any sort of chance to lead this nation. There are those who have already begun to murmur and speak in hushed voices about assassination. Those are not the principles by which we are to live our lives. We are always shocked to find members of our ward who go inactive when a new bishop is called because they refuse his leadership. Let us not be guilty of the very same transgression by refusing to accept the duly elected leader of our country.
Our country is in a precarious position right now. We are in a highly controversial and complex war. Our economy is teetering on the brink of depression. We are finding fewer and fewer allies in the other countries of the world, and more and more Americans are pretending to be Canadian when traveling abroad. The reputation of this country and the office of the President have been tarnished significantly over the past 16 years (yes, I'm including the Clinton Administration. See how I did that? I told you I was moderate). There is a long road of restoration and recovery ahead of us and any bickering or partisan pettiness only serves to impede the progress we could be making as a country.
So that's all I'm going to say about that. One thing I didn't plan on mentioning because I didn't think it was my place: I got some unexpected sad news from Todd today. Many of you may have heard that his Mom passed away. I don't have too many details because I didn't think it would be right to press for them, but her passing was unexpected. She was as good a woman as you could ever hope to meet. She was as kind to me as anyone has ever been and during high school she was like a second mother to me. I send my condolences to the Wilhelm family and I hope they will be comforted in this time of loss. This is one of those times where it all seems to be piling on. The tragic death of Vincent Romero and Timothy Romans and the uncertain fate of Vincent's son whose life will surely never be the same. Then we have the Wilhelms going through a difficult and sudden loss of their own.
In the midst of all the sadness and loss, there is a ray of hope. So I'm going to try to end this entry on a positive note. But you have to understand how all this went down so you'll understand why my head was spinning up until a few minutes ago. There were about a billion people who came up to the desk here at the library. It's crunch time on this particular project and we're getting the desperate procrastinators who come in droves and make unrealistic demands of us. So I'm dealing with all this hoo-ha at the front desk when I get a call from Megan, which is the ray of hope I'll share with you in a moment. Then I get a call from Todd, who is noticeably upset and in need of someone to talk to. I tried my best to be there for Todd in the little time I had so I could get back to the desk and deal with another barrage of patrons. In a span of only 10 minutes I was dealing with joy, frustration, guarded hope, sadness, loss, and madness. It seemed a bit much and I'm still trying to digest it all.
So here's the ray of hope: Megan got an email from the MLM that she interviewed with. They told her that she was at the top of their list for that job she interviewed for. Does this mean she gets the job? We don't know yet. That's why it's guarded hope. They're finishing their quarter or fiscal year or something and they need to do some evaluation before they can officially offer a job to Megan, but they wanted her to know that she is their first choice. So she'll find out this week if they can afford to take her on or not. So we are crossing every part of our bodies that can possibly be crossed and hoping this works out. There are so many things happening now that it wouldn't be greedy to ask that one of those things be good for us. So please remember us in your prayers. We appreciate all you have done for us thus far and for all the love and support we get from you.
I think that is officially it for this entry. It's a bulky one, but I hope you all made it through.
As some of you may remember, I used to be a Rush Limbaugh-listening Ayn Rand-reading hardcore right wing Republican. Now I'm a moderate who tries his best to look at the issues without throwing around terms like "liberal" or "conservative" which are tossed around so carelessly these days that they seem to have lost most of their meaning. I was a conservative in high school because that's what my friends were. It wasn't until I got out into the world a bit that I began to see that no single political party holds all the answers to every political question. Since high school I've seen poverty, corruption, crime, racism, and a whole slew of other sociopolitical problems that I just couldn't wrap my brain around in a hardcore conservative way. I also made friends with some hardcore Democrats and found more than a few hardcore Republicans that I couldn't stand. It didn't take long for me to see that my hard right stance wasn't right in every case and instance. Of course the left wasn't right all the time either. I soon found myself in a political no-man's-land where neither party fit my views and all the third parties seemed too radical or too absorbed in a single idea or issue. So what was I to do?
I began to look at the politics of this country as the swinging of a great pendulum. If it swings too far or too long to the left or the right, it upsets the delicate balance that keeps the political leanings of this country generally moderate. I don't think Democrats should be able to implement too many of their policies over too long a period of time and the same goes for the Republicans. If you think about the fact that George W. Bush has had a key to the front door of the White House for 20 of the last 28 years (It's true. There were 8 years where his father was Vice President under Reagan, 4 years where his father was President, and he has been President for 8 years) you can see that the delicate balance has been off kilter for a while. Bear in mind the fact that I have voted for Bush twice. I voted for him in the absence of better choices, and for campaign promises that he absolutely failed to live up to, but I did vote for him.
This year I voted for Obama. I did it proudly and happily. My only regret is that I didn't have two votes to cast for him because I woulda done it in a heartbeat. In the days leading up to and after the election, I have heard every slanderous accusation against Obama that you could imagine. I've heard him accused of not being a citizen of this country (a ridiculous argument because don't you think a candidate's citizenship is the first they check when you announce your candidacy?) I've heard him accused of being a terrorist (another ridiculous accusation which is absolutely false. But if it were true, which is isn't, it would represent a major breakdown in anti-terrorist intelligence, which is something I don't think Obama's accusers have considered). I've also seen him painted as a member of a radical Christian church and a Muslim, which are mutually exclusive religious affiliations. Fox news even went as far as to call a fist bump between Obama and his wife a "terrorist fist bump" or "terrorist fist jab." This is about as insane an argument as you can make. Megan and I have been bumping fists for a long time now and we have no ties to Al-Qaeda or the Taliban. It's a thing young people do and it is similar to a handshake or an old fashioned "high-five." I have just seen way too much mud slung Obama's way and so little of it has any bearing in reality.
Now please understand that I have a great amount of respect for McCain. When it was suggested that he should run for President, I told several people that I wished he wouldn't. He has done a lot of good as a Senator and has represented the state of Arizona with dignity and pride. I don't fault anyone who voted for McCain, just as I hope no one thinks any less of me for voting Obama way.
It breaks my heart to see how partisan this country has gotten. We have Democrats who think Republicans are heartless uneducated Bible-thumpers who wear bib overalls and have no grasp of the issues. We have Republicans who think Democrats are sandal-wearing hippies and godless heathens who have done so many drugs they wouldn't know an issue if they saw one. These generalizations don't really represent the makeup of either party. There are good people on both sides of every divisive issue in this country and I wish people would stop squabbling with each other long enough to realize that we're all just people trying to make the best of this world the only way we know how. We may go about it in different ways, but we're really not so different that we can't be friends.
Some of you may have missed the excellent speech Obama made after winning the election. I don't remember the last time I was as inspired by a political speech. Here are two quotes from that speech:
"I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead."
"Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too."
McCain's concession speech included similar sentiments. Here is a quote from that speech:
"I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our goodwill and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited."
McCain was gracious in defeat and Obama was gracious in victory. There has never been a time in my life where two such men opposed each other for the office of the President of the United States. I know that some of you are less than pleased that Obama won the election, and I know some of you may disagree with nearly everything I've said in this entry. But the words of Abraham Lincoln are as true now as they ever were. "We are not enemies, but friends." I sincerely hope that this country will learn to put aside its partisan ways. That talking heads on the news and on the radio would love nothing more than to see the citizens of this country go another 4 or 8 years bashing heads with one another, but that is not the way it is meant to be. "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law." We are not to do as Adlai Stevenson said we do as citizens, "Pick a President, and then for four years pick on him."
In the early days of the church, the saints were taught to seek legal recourse for the wrongdoings they suffered and to not take matters into their own hands. If you remember President Packer's talk from general conference, he talked about how the saints, upon reaching the Salt Lake Valley, held a patriotic parade the likes of which most of us have never seen in our lifetime. He said, "They chose patriotism and loyalty to that same government which had rejected and failed to assist them." There is much we can learn from the example of our pioneer ancestors.
Obama has not as yet set his hand to the bible to be sworn in as President of this country and there are those who refuse to give him any sort of chance to lead this nation. There are those who have already begun to murmur and speak in hushed voices about assassination. Those are not the principles by which we are to live our lives. We are always shocked to find members of our ward who go inactive when a new bishop is called because they refuse his leadership. Let us not be guilty of the very same transgression by refusing to accept the duly elected leader of our country.
Our country is in a precarious position right now. We are in a highly controversial and complex war. Our economy is teetering on the brink of depression. We are finding fewer and fewer allies in the other countries of the world, and more and more Americans are pretending to be Canadian when traveling abroad. The reputation of this country and the office of the President have been tarnished significantly over the past 16 years (yes, I'm including the Clinton Administration. See how I did that? I told you I was moderate). There is a long road of restoration and recovery ahead of us and any bickering or partisan pettiness only serves to impede the progress we could be making as a country.
So that's all I'm going to say about that. One thing I didn't plan on mentioning because I didn't think it was my place: I got some unexpected sad news from Todd today. Many of you may have heard that his Mom passed away. I don't have too many details because I didn't think it would be right to press for them, but her passing was unexpected. She was as good a woman as you could ever hope to meet. She was as kind to me as anyone has ever been and during high school she was like a second mother to me. I send my condolences to the Wilhelm family and I hope they will be comforted in this time of loss. This is one of those times where it all seems to be piling on. The tragic death of Vincent Romero and Timothy Romans and the uncertain fate of Vincent's son whose life will surely never be the same. Then we have the Wilhelms going through a difficult and sudden loss of their own.
In the midst of all the sadness and loss, there is a ray of hope. So I'm going to try to end this entry on a positive note. But you have to understand how all this went down so you'll understand why my head was spinning up until a few minutes ago. There were about a billion people who came up to the desk here at the library. It's crunch time on this particular project and we're getting the desperate procrastinators who come in droves and make unrealistic demands of us. So I'm dealing with all this hoo-ha at the front desk when I get a call from Megan, which is the ray of hope I'll share with you in a moment. Then I get a call from Todd, who is noticeably upset and in need of someone to talk to. I tried my best to be there for Todd in the little time I had so I could get back to the desk and deal with another barrage of patrons. In a span of only 10 minutes I was dealing with joy, frustration, guarded hope, sadness, loss, and madness. It seemed a bit much and I'm still trying to digest it all.
So here's the ray of hope: Megan got an email from the MLM that she interviewed with. They told her that she was at the top of their list for that job she interviewed for. Does this mean she gets the job? We don't know yet. That's why it's guarded hope. They're finishing their quarter or fiscal year or something and they need to do some evaluation before they can officially offer a job to Megan, but they wanted her to know that she is their first choice. So she'll find out this week if they can afford to take her on or not. So we are crossing every part of our bodies that can possibly be crossed and hoping this works out. There are so many things happening now that it wouldn't be greedy to ask that one of those things be good for us. So please remember us in your prayers. We appreciate all you have done for us thus far and for all the love and support we get from you.
I think that is officially it for this entry. It's a bulky one, but I hope you all made it through.
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