So this is your Friday meme being written on a Sunday. I didn't have time to write on Friday, so I'm writing it now. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you don't think too hard about the fact that I'm still calling it a "Friday meme" even though it's being written on a Sunday.

A Plethora of Questions

What is your favorite animal to see at the zoo?
I actually haven't been to a zoo since I was a kid. I think my favorite part of the ordeal was seeing a goldfish that had grown to be about two feet long. It made me want to get a goldfish and raise him to be a giant.

If you won a shopping spree at the mall, which store would you run to first?
The first thing you need to know is that I'm not a big fan of malls. I'm the sort of guy who seeks out Mom and Pop establishments and goes there often enough that Mom and Pop actually know me by name. There's something very comforting in that. So I'm way out of my element in a mall. But I think if I had to spend money in a mall, I'd go blow it at the virgin megastore or something.

Are you afraid of the dentist?
I've had some major dental work done recently, so there's not really a lot that I'm afraid of. I've had two root canals in the past year, and I really couldn't feel a thing. The worst part about it was keeping my mouth open for two solid hours. I think the part I fear the most is having the dentist look at my teeth, then ask me if I've ever seen a toothbrush. For those of you reading at home, the answer is yes. I have seen a toothbrush and it has, in fact, been inside my mouth.

What do you eat on your hamburgers?
I'm a simple man with simple tastes. Call me crazy, but I like to taste the meat. So I'll put on mayo, ketchup, and a tomato if there's one available and that's it.

If you had to stay awake for 24 hours, what would you do in that time?
You mean what did I do back in the day when I did this sort of thing, right? The last time I pulled an all-nighter was on my birthday a couple years ago. We went to Krispy Kreme at 4 in the morning. We went swimming way past the pool hours at my apartment complex. We watched made-for-tv movies, which were way more entertaining than they should have been (I think the no sleep had something to do with that), we cruised Mill, we went to Wal-Mart, and later the next day my band played a gig. It was rediculous, but it seemed like more fun than it probably was because I was young and crazy.

Do you open your eyes under water?
No. My eyes are pretty sensitive, and if I open them underwater I'll feel it for a week.

Are you organized?
I'm slightly more organized than a post-tornado trailer park. I'm organized but only if you're using FEMA as a benchmark for organization.

What do you do to relax before you fall asleep?
Back in the day before I was married (Oh so long ago and far away now) I used to lay on my right side when I was winding down and getting ready for sleep, and then when I was really ready to get my sleep on, I would roll over to my left side and snooze away. Now that I'm married, laying on my right side means cuddling with Megan for a while before dozing off. That girl has developed some sort of serious addiction to my lovin'.

Do you like Sunny D?
Sunny D is Tampico for people with weak stomachs. Real men drink Tampico because it tastes delicious, and it burns all the way down. If Tampico and Sunny D were drugs, Sunny D would be a whippit and Tampico would be crack. With Sunny D in mind, however, I feel compelled to ask: why is it that when people thrown a doughnut breakfast for any reason, they always bring out the Sunny D? Are they not aware that after eating a doughnut, Sunny D becomes so sour it can literally turn your face inside out? Why have these people not heard of milk? I'm just curious.

Do you eat organic food?
Everybody eats organic food. Organic food contains carbon compounds. It really bugs me that hippies think they're the only people eating organic food. If you are eating tomatoes that were grown in a lab, or eating meat from a cloned sheep, it's still organic. It has carbon compounds and is susceptible to decay. So don't pay 12 bucks for an "organic" tomato when you can get organic food wherever you go. Organic does not mean, "Grown in nature by groovy people who don't use pesticides." It literally means, "contains carbon," which all living things do.

Who do you text the most?
I still don't use the word "text" as a verb. It's still a noun to me. I don't send text messages to anyone because I have this weird thing where I'd much rather actually speak to people. I don't even like phones that much. I'd rather speak face to face with everyone, but given the choice between reading text and actually speaking, I'll speak on the phone. So if you ever send me a text message I'll do one of two things: 1) Ignore it, or 2) Call you and actually speak to you.

Last song you downloaded?
This week I downloaded the complete works of Scott "Wino" Weinrich. He's a buddy of one of my old institute teachers and he just happens to be the most famous doom metal artist of all time. Doom metal is slow and plodding like early Black Sabbath. Anyway, it's funny to listen to the music of this guy and think about the fact that my old institute teacher went to guitar school with him.

What do you find the most attractive about your same sex?
Nothing. I think guys are hairy and disgusting. I find it odd that women are ever attracted to us.

If you could name a planet, what would you name it?
It would be way to vain to name it after myself, though I have to admit I would be tempted. I could name it after Megan, but that would really up the expecatations for gift-giving, and I can't always give the gift of celestial bodies. It gets expensive. So I think I would name it after something I like. So it would be "Planet Weezer" or "Planet Maple Leafs" or "Planet Voltron" or something.

What would you consider a lot of money?
I dunno. Where is this money coming from and what is it for? $50 is a lot of money to find in your pocket and not realize it was there, but it would be a really crappy lottery jackpot. Everything depends on the context.

Have you ever put Mentos in Coke?
Nope. But I've put Mentos in my mouth, which was pretty awesome. I like the fruity kind.

What movie do you really want to see right now?
Call me crazy, but I still feel that my mission to bring the awesomeness of "Evil Alien Conquerors" to fans of weird/bad sci-fi movies has not been completed. There may be some of you within the sound of you mumbling along as you read this entry (I don't say "sound of my voice" because I really can't shout that loud) who have not yet seen this movie. I feel it is my job to bring you the joys (Or the woes, depending on how much you enjoy movies like this) of such amazing bad sci-fi awesomeness.

Do you wear glasses?
I own glasses, but I don't wear them. Megan likes the way I look in them, but I'm not as sold on the idea.

Ever made out with a monkey?
No, but I've had monkeys check my hair for lice. Luckily they didn't find any, but I could tell they were a little disappointed.

When was the last time you went to the ocean?
It's been a while. I think it's been since 2004 when we hit the beach in Kompong Saom.

Would you marry the Burger King King?
That guy is the creepiest guy ever. If burger king's intention was to get me to think that at any time I could be accosted by a weird guy wearing a creepy mask, it worked. I now check under the bed and in the closets to make sure he's not there.

Do you feel bad for the Polar Bears?
No. Should I?

How many pairs of shoes do you own?
More than I actually wear or need, but fewer than Megan. So at least I've got that going for me.

Who's your favorite celebrity?
I dunno. Garth Hudson. Jeff Lynne. I can only think of people I admire, but aren't really celebrities to most people. I think those guys are the bee's knees, but you won't ever see them on a red carpet.

Ever take a dump in the woods?
Of course. I've been camping enough to have done my business behind a bush.

What is your least favorite color?
Teal. It was super popular in the 90's and it drove me crazy for some reason.

How many times have you gone to the bathroom today?
Only once I think. But thanks to the person who wrote this for writing insightful questions that our readers really wanna know the answer to.

What is the most times you have ever seen one movie?
I dunno. I think I've seen "Saving Silverman" more times than any other movie, but I have no idea how many times I've seen it.

What holiday just passed?
Pioneer Days came and went without me really even noticing. If I'm not in St. Johns, it's as if Pioneer Days doesn't even happen. I think we'll try to make it next year.

Do you play any instruments?
I play the bass, though I'm out of practice, and I played the viola in middle school and high school, but I'm way out of practice on that one. I think I can still read music in alto clef though.

What room are you in?
My compy is in the dining room.

What color is your camera?
It's silver-ish. But I'm pretty sure nobody cares what color my camera is. What an odd question.

Where is your room?
In our house, which is in the middle of our street. It's our castle and our keep.

What is the closest green item to you?
So you're really telling me, "I am running out of questions and I don't know what else to ask." There is a box of kleenex, which has a greenish hue. I think my readers will be fascinated to know that.

Last time you saw your mother?
I saw her last week when we were at the family reunion.

What was it you last laughed about?
I dunno. Megan and I live lives full of laughter. I hope we don't grow up to be like The Lockhorns or anything.

Do you drink Red Bull or any other energy drink?
The only time I ever had a Red Bull was in Cambodia. The idea for Reb Bull was taken from the Thai energy drink Krating Daeng, which had been in Thailand for years. So I think I got an energy drink before they really became popular in the states. Of course Red Bull tastes like cough syrup that has passed its sell-by date and it didn't give me much extra energy. I stay away from energy drinks these days because they're expensive, rediculous, and they taste terrible.

If you could work at any clothing store, which store would you pick?
DI. I get a lot of my clothes from DI, and if I worked there I might get a discount from their already low prices, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have to listen to super repetitive techno music all day. If DI paid as much as my current job and had decent benefits, I would be working there right now.

How often do you give high fives?
Often. Megan and I are constantly high-fiving. We can't help it. The Aquabats told us to.

Do you own a cowbell?
No, but I think you want me to somehow tie my answer in to the SNL "More Cowbell" sketch. I won't do it.

Have you ever been on television?
Yes. I was on TV when I was 16 because I was a pall bearer at my uncle's funeral (he was given a hero's funeral after being killed in an incident at Fort Bragg) and it showed up on the evening news. I was also a guest on a late night public access show in Tuscon back when I was a theater major. I don't know how or why it happened, but it did.

Where did you last eat?
The last place where Megan and I ate out was Ikea, home of the 50 cent hot dog.

Who's the most annoying person in your neighborhood?
Probably me. I dunno. I haven't been in the neighborhood long enough to know.

Do you plan on moving in the next year?
No. I've done all the moving I'm gonna do for a while.

Who is the last person you saw in your house?
I see Megan in our house all the time. We practically live together. I say practically because it would be incredibly impractical for a husband and wife to not live together.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A frozen Nutter Butter. If you've ever trusted my opinion on anything, trust it on this: Nutter Butters are better frozen. Sure, they're delicious when they're not frozen, but the freezing really brings out the deliciousness molecules.

When was the last time you saw your number 2?
I don't even know who my number 2 is. All I know is that Megan is my number 1.

Where is your biological father right now?
My how times change when you have to word a question that way. My biological father and my biological mother are married, live in the same house, and are still very much in love. I think it's a terrible thing that my situation isn't more common.

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
Megan bought me some things that I'll get on my birthday. I'm finding out that it really is hard to make anything a surprise when you're married. There are a couple things I'll get that will be a surprise, and a couple others that will not.

Who took your profile picture?
Martha took the picture you see at the top of the blog. She did a great jorb.

What will you call your first child?
His name will be James Hyrum Badger jr. and we will call him Jimmy jr. I had a long talk with my Mom about this and I'm pretty sure what she said was that she loved the whole Jimmy jr. idea. But seriously, I would like to name a son after myself.

Do you celebrate monthly anniversaries?
Megan and I celebrated monthaversaries when we were dating. I think we'll mention our monthaversaries in passing now that we're married, but we'll probably only really celebrate our annerversaries from now on. I would also like to point out the fact that the term "monthly anniversary" is incorrect because the "anni" part comes from the latin word "anno" which means year. Anniversary means yearly celebration. So when you say "monthly anniversary," you are really saying "monthly yearly celebration." It's a contradiction of terms. Although monthaversary isn't technically a word, it's more correct. This has been your weekly etymology lesson. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you won't celebrate any monthly anniversaries. Your head might explode because it's a crazy contradiction. The only way you could do it is if you were celebrating a different annual event every month, which is just too much if you ask me.


This has been your Friday meme. I hope you enjoyed it.