He Jist Broke a Motor, Sump'n Jist Happened

So I've been wanting to make a change to this blog for a while. As you may or may not have noticed, I've been half-heartedly throwing up Friday memes for a while now. They aren't funny or interesting anymore. It feels like I've been answering the same questions over and over again and it seems pointless now. So no more.

I think the initial intent of the Friday meme was to tell you things about me that you wouldn't have thought to ask, as well as provide me an outlet to poke fun at the spelling and grammar of whoever takes the time to write those questionnaires. In recent days I haven't been accomplishing either of those goals so it seems the best course is to make a clean cut and be done with it.

So I'll just try to write more often and I'll make every effort to make it interesting. That being said, please remember that my life isn't always interesting and there are always plenty of things I would love to write about the dysfunction that surrounds me (at work, not at home) but big brother is always watching so I can't. But I'll try to keep giving you a reason to come back and read up on what we do and how we're doing.

As we've gotten this blog rolling, you've probably noticed the difference between the times when I write and the times when Megan writes. I try to write at least twice a week, and I take up an extraordinary amount of space to say very little. Megan writes about once a month and takes very little space to tell you everything you wanted to know about our lives. This is probably a trend you can expect to continue as this blog lumbers into the future.

I just got off the phone with Megan, and things aren't looking too promising for the other job she interviewed with. They told her to contact them if she didn't hear from them by early this week. It's Wednesday and she called them a few times and left a message and nobody has called her back. So that doesn't look too promising. As of right now there aren't a whole lot of graphic design jobs out there. With the economy as bad as it is (I've mentioned this before and I'll say it again: we're a Hawley-Smoot Tariff away from a second great depression) marketing departments tend to be the first to go when companies cut cost and dump personnel. So, as always, your faith and prayers on our behalf are needed and appreciated.

I'd have to say that as tests of faith go, we're past the part where we recognize our circumstances as a test of faith and right smack dab in the middle of the part where we honestly thought the test would be over by now seeing as how we figured out it was a test. But as you all know, tests like these don't end at your convenience, they end when you learn what you were supposed to learn. So here's to hoping that we'll figure it out...and soon.

I don't know if any of the previous paragraph makes sense to you, but it made sense to me as I was writing it. With that said, I think I'll close this thing on up.

A Young Quarterback Waits for the Snap

Well, today something I had been fearing came true: I found out that I didn't get the job I interviewed for. When I came back from lunch today, I found two computer-generated emails waiting for me. They both said the same thing: we decided to hire someone else for that job you applied for.

Needless to say, my first instincts were to be crushed, depressed, and even a little angry. I immediately second-guessed everything I had said in the interview, especially the part where I told them they could contact my current supervisor. I imagined the sorts of things he would have told them to destroy my chances of getting the job. Remember: he did tell me once that he relishes the opportunity to give bad references to people he dislikes and there are few people he dislikes as much as me. My head was spinning as I tried to find a reason why anyone wouldn't want to give me a job. I emailed my inside contact (I've decided to keep the whole anonymity thing going here, though you probably know who I'm talking about) and asked them what they could tell me about why I didn't get the job. Did I not give a good interview? Should I have declined to let them speak to my supervisor? Was I completely unqualified?

Immediately after running every conceivable bad scenario in my head, I called Megan to break the news to her. She listened to me whine and moan, and then reassured me and promised we'd have tacos tonight (do I have a great wife or what? Seriously).

It didn't take long for my inside contact to get back to me. They told me that I interviewed well and that everyone was impressed with the diplomatic answers I gave when I could have easily trashed this job and the people I work for. The only thing that sunk me is that a couple people who have map experience interviewed after me, so I legitimately lost to people who are more qualified, which still stinks but not as much.

So my plan was to get really down and depressed today and just soak in all the badness. Maybe I would mingle some of my disdain for the boss man with my depression over not getting the job and create some sort of angry/depressed gravy that I could just drizzle over the whole day. But it didn't happen that way.

I've been listening to conference on my ipod before and after my institute classes. Today I listened to Elder Uchtdorf's talk entitled, "The Infinite Power of Hope" before class and Elder Wirthlin's talk entitled, "Come What May And Love It" after class. So I basically got a double dose of apostolic counsel on how to deal with adversity. So I figured that with those talks fresh on my mind, I couldn't choose despair over hope. Not only that, but I've chosen despair a number of times in my life because it's easy, it actually feels good at first, and it seems like a natural reaction. But choosing despair has never gotten me anything other than a super awesome picture of me with super long hair and a beard. What the hey, let's post that picture. You know you love it.


So the point is: I'm not growing a beard and long hair this time. I'm moving upward and onward right away. In a lot of ways I felt like that job I applied for was my last chance to keep working in this library system. So not getting the job may actually turn out to be a not-so-gentle prompting that this library system is not where I'm supposed to be. I can deal with that. I don't know where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do, but I'm obviously not meant to grow old and rot away in this place. So my quest will be to find what it is I'm supposed to be doing and go right on and do it.

Granted, I might not get the chance to pull myself away immediately. If I was a younger unmarried man with any amount of savings I would quit this job tomorrow (I picture some scenario involving me holding a boombox over my head blaring David Allen Coe's immortal "Take This Job and Shove It") and get started right away. But as things stand right now, Megan and I need whatever income I can get from this place. So I might be here for now, and it might take me a while to get where I'm going, but I am willing to accept the fact that I will not be a librarian for the rest of my life, and I suppose I should thank the heavens for it. So I take this from the whole rigmarole: there is something better out there for me.

Now let's take things in a slightly different direction that will bring us right back to the point I've already driven into the ground. Yesterday I got a letter from the HR department stating that they'll be taking a big ol' chunk of money out of one of my paychecks this month to pay for the Arizona taxes I forgot to pay. How did I forget to pay my Arizona taxes you ask? Well, I filed my taxes early knowing that I could use my refund to buy Megan a ring. If I paid Arizona the money they wanted from me, I wouldn't have enough to get her a ring. So I decided to pay the state of Arizona when I got the chance, and I never remembered to do it. So I get a letter telling me that they're taking their dang money and there's nothing I can do about it.

Megan and I are in hard times. We know we'll have enough to pay our mortgage and bills this month, but we have no idea how we'll pay for it next month. Not only do we not have the money for next month, I won't even be getting paid as much because of the whole "levying my wages" thing. So to say that we're flying by the seat of our pants here is a massive understatement.

Now being faced with such a situation can get a variety of responses from a married couple, but Megan and I have already decided what we're going to do: we're going to pray, we're going to fast, and we're going to pay every red cent of tithing we owe. Then we're going to pray some more.

This is obviously one of those situations where the Lord doesn't want us to be able to say, "Thanks, but I solved it on my own." I've had a few of those in my life, so I know how to recognize them when they come. Megan and I are having our faith tested, and we are dead set on passing the test. It feels a little like a commercial break for "The Dukes of Hazzard" where them Duke boys have gotten into some sticky situation and right before the break Waylon Jennings tells us, "Them Duke boys sure are in a pickle. How are they gonna get out of this one?" But we know we'll be ok. We know deliverance will come and when it does we promise not to think that we delivered ourselves.

As always, your faith and prayers on our behalf are much appreciated. Every night Megan and I thank the heavens for our family and the love and support you all give to us. So keep that up.

On an unrelated note: do any of you ever listen to the little mp3 players I put up at the top of the page? I don't want to make them autostart because sometimes it's annoying to get music when all you want is words, but I have no indication that anyone ever listens to them. So get back to me on that. You know...if you feel like it.

There Hides the Cowboy

Normally I'm not the sort of guy who posts music videos (or videos in general for that matter) in hopes of turning people onto fantastic music they may not have found otherwise. I'll talk music with you all day if you want to, but I try not to force it on people. But today I threw a video up for two reasons 1) It's the song I've had stuck in my head all day and it seems super relevant right now and 2) It's just a video of the band playing. There's no trick cinematography or anything, it's just the band playing the song. So give it a listen if you want to. It's a good song.

But yeah, the reason I've had that song stuck in my head is because Megan and I really need to hold on to our hope and our faith right now. It is becoming increasingly more important for us to get the jobs we've interviewed for, but the process might take longer than we anticipated. They haven't called my references yet, which starts me thinking, "Well, maybe they won't call them because they've already decided to hire someone else." or "They won't call them because they want to hire me based on my own representation of my skills and abilities." or "They are way behind in the process and it'll take forever to find out." All these lines of thought can have dangerous consequences. I need to keep my thoughts realistic now more than ever and hold on to the hope and the faith that things will work out fine for Megan and I. We're honestly doing everything we know how to do to get these jobs. It's just so easy to get discouraged when things don't come in the time frame you want them to come in.

Megan has been especially frustrated because she wants to be out working and contributing to our family finances, but she doesn't have a ton of control over whether or not these people hire her or not. So it's easy to think that just because they aren't calling her right at the beginning of this week that they might not call at all. But once again, we know that there is a process that things have to go through. If they make the recommendation that I get my job, I know it has to clear the hiring committee, library administration, and human resources before they even give me a call. But I really want them to call me right now and tell me I got it. Megan and I are a little impatient, which I think is understandable.

But the important thing is that in this time of trial the most important thing for us to do will be to put our trust in the one sure place we can put it. We both have faith that if we live up to the things that have been asked of us, we will be blessed both temporally and spiritually. We have faith and we have hope, but we can't help but falter a little as Peter did when he saw the billowing surge beneath his feet. So having, "Hold on Hope" by Guided By Voices stuck in my head all day isn't a bad thing. It's not a hymn, but it's a good song and it reminds me that the trials we're going through are as much a test of faith as they are of anything else.

Also, Megan and I have noticed that the hope that we've had the past couple weeks has made everything just a little better and a little brighter at home. I love her a little more this week than I did last week, and I think she feels the same (not that we didn't love each other last week, but we love each other more). There have been a lot of positive effects that have already come from this trial, and I expect that those we have seen thus far will not be the last. The only thing is that it's so easy as a human being to want everything right now rather than waiting to see how it all turns out in time. I have no doubt that everything will be fine and we'll pass this trial with flying colors but, as Tom Petty once said, "The waiting is the hardest part."

A Week of Weekends

So I can't say with any amount of certainty which things happened when this weekend. I ended up taking a couple sick days (yes, I was actually sick for a bit) and the weekend seemed both really long and really short. The main thing is that I had a lot of fun and Megan and I feel closer than ever, so all in all it was a winner of a weekend. Anyway, keep in mind as I write this that I may not be remembering things in their correct chronological order.

On Thursday, as many of you already know, I had an interview for another library job. If nothing else comes of it (though I sincerely hope that is not the case) it gave me hope that I might not be stuck here for the rest of eternity. The interview went well for all I can tell, but I'll definitely be dissecting every question and answer for the next week or so, because it'll take them at least until Friday to let us know who gets the job. I can expect a call from them either way, which is a nice thing to know. Megan is still waiting on the two jobs she interviewed for, and we don't know when, how, or if they'll inform her of the outcome. So at least I know that I'll know. That's comforting.

I know there were a few questions I could've answered better, and there were a few times when I absolutely knew I was appealing to the inner librarian of the interviewers. I have a fighting chance of getting this job, and I could ask no more and no less. The past couple weeks have been filled with hope as Megan and I both had interviews, and the next week or so will be filled with anticipation as we anxiously wait for what we hope will be multiple job offers. This is something that we've been working and praying for in earnestness, so I really hope things work out in our favor. The people in the other library seem really nice. I already know a couple of them, and those I didn't know before the interview seem like nice folks as well. I think you may remember me saying that I'd exchange my current job status for one where my immediate supervisor was cold, impersonal, and businesslike. That would be a major upgrade. But to work with people who are actually nice? It seems too much to ask. I honestly don't know what I'd do. Probably cry a lot, I'd wager.

So yeah, I can't and don't want to give a lot of specifics for my interview, but I have a lot going for me. I don't think I have hindered my chances in any way, so the only thing to worry about is a potential dark horse candidate who is legitimately more qualified than I am. But I know I have a few people pulling for me, so I feel good about it. If who you know is really more important than what you know, I stand a really good chance at getting this job. Let's all keep our fingers crossed.

Megan's prospects sound good, too. Everyone is always impressed with her portfolio, and the two companies she's interviewed with both seem like good, steady work. One of them is a motorcycle company, so maybe there'd be some perks for Dad in there. Who knows? But both jobs are less than 5 miles from our house, and Megan could get there on a bike with no problem (that's something she'd be really excited to do). So we're really hoping that she gets a call from either of those jobs. They didn't give her a time line or anything, so we don't know how many other people are interviewing, or when they'll make an offer or if they'll call her if she doesn't get the job. So we're really on pins and needles there. Any and all prayers on her behalf would be much appreciated.

After my interview, Megan and I took a trip over to the temple. We decided that we wanted to do sealings, and as we walked through the door, one of the sisters immediately asked us if we wanted to do sealings. We told her that that was exactly why we were there, and we were whisked off to the sealing office. One of the other couples doing sealings with us was a mutual friend of ours. He was one of the old 5th ward gang that used to hang out in the old institute. We recognized him immediately, but it took him a minute to remember us, which I guess is fair because we couldn't (and still can't) remember his first name. But it was nice running into them.

On Thursday night/Friday morning I kept waking up every couple hours. I had a bad headache going, and was running a bit of a fever. I felt like I was burning up, but Megan said my forehead was cool. After soaking the sheets in sweat, I went into the spare oom and caught a couple hours of sleep, but not much. It was a fairly restless night for me. So I ended up calling in sick for the second day in a row. Megan let me sleep in the spare oom for a few hours after she woke up, and by the time I actually got out of bed, I didn't feel as bad as I did during the several times when I woke up during the night.

On Friday we had a friend over that I hadn't seen in years: Jeff Moulton. Jeff, Jenna, and all the kids paid us a visit on Friday. They were in town for Jenna's little brother's wedding, but they dropped by and paid us a little visit. They wanted to eat on the cheap, as did Megan and I, so we ended up lighting a fire in our fire pit and having an olde fashioned weenie roast. It was fun to reminisce with Jeff a bit, and in meeting Jeff Megan has become more acquainted with the sorts of people I hung out with in high school.

On Saturday and Sunday we watched conference, as you would expect. I always seem to have a hard time staying awake toward the end of the afternoon sessions, which is a shame because that's when a lot of good talks happen. I clean missed Elder Bednar's talk, so I'll have to catch up on that when I put all the sessions on my ipod later. But conference was really good. Megan and I are both really impressed with President Uchtdorf. He has been through a lot in his life and he's really an amazing man. I won't say too much about conference because...well...most of you heard it, and a lot of you were probably awake more than I was during the afternoon sessions, so I don't need to tell you about conference.

At one point during the weekend Megan and I made our usual trip to the reptile store. We really need to get new tortoises soon. The house does seem a little more empty without turbo in it, and they have some really great African Spurred tortoises at the reptile store. I know which one I would've picked up if we had the money to take them that day.

Well, I'm sure I'm missing some major details of the weekend. I hope Megan writes an entry of her own and fills in any of the gaps I may have left. It was a good weekend, filled with hope. Now we're in the week of anticipation and I honestly don't know how I'll wait this out patiently. But let me say now as I said before, we appreciate the prayers being said on our behalf. It feels good to know that so many people are pulling for us. We sure need it.

Anyway, look forward to the entries this week because they may or may not have good news in them. Either way, they'll be interesting.

Change of Pace

For a little change of pace, we will have a blog entry written by Megan today.

I know you all are anxious to find out how the interviews are going. I had my second interview with a company called BC Designs yesterday. The first interview went great but I'm still trying to decide how I felt about the interview yesterday. It was with the president and owner of the company so thats got to make anyone feel a bit nervous. I was thrown off for a bit in the beginning because I walked into his office and it looked like my office would look if I hadn't cleaned it in 20 years. Now I'm not going to judge anyone for having a messy office because we all know that I'm not the cleanest person in the world, but it did make it difficult in trying to show him my portfolio. I had to put the box over piles of paper and other junk on his desk because there was nowhere to put everything otherwise. Once I had shown him each piece there wasn't really anywhere to put it. He didn't really have too much to say about my portfolio, but doesn't necessarily mean he wasn't impressed by it, he was just hard to read.

After I showed him my portfolio, he took me on a tour of the office and told me a little more about the company. While we were touring we ran into the designer who interviewed me and he looked pleased to see me so that's a good sign. The company is actually set in two different buildings so the design department is separated from most of the hustle and bustle of the main office.

After the interview he asked me if I had any questions then sent me on my way. The reason I'm a little anxious about whether or not I'm getting this job is because he didn't make me an offer and didn't give me any information about when I should be hearing back about the job. He did give me his card and told me to call him if I had any questions, so I made sure to write him an email and thank him for the interview and asked him to let me know that the next steps in the hiring process are.

My favorite perk of getting this job would be that it's about 3 miles from our house. That means I can ride my bike to work. What's even greater is that the canal runs right behind our house and is pretty much a direct route to the office. That means I wouldn't even have to take the main roads to work. I can just ride along side the canal every day.

I had another interview with a company called Ride Now Motor Sports this morning that went well. I believe I had the first interview slot so I won't hear anything for a few days.

I wasn't really sure what to expect when going into the interview. It was a callback on a job posting I responded to about a week ago and forgot about, so I didn't know that much about the company going into it. I was surprised that it took up a pretty large building. The office is the corporate headquarters of about 30 stores across the nation. The great thing about this company is that it's fairly large and still growing. That means a bit more job security for yours truly. The design department is actually really large which would be nice for me since I've never worked in that large of a department. The company is actually located a stones throw away from the other company I've interviewed with so I could still ride me bike.

So at this point, everything is just wait and see. I would be thrilled to get either job.


On a sadder note . . .
We had our funeral for Turbo last night. It was a sad little affair, but it was as nice of a funeral as any tortoise could hope for. We used a black canvas box that I made a couple of years ago for the coffin and filled it with wood shavings and a good picture of James and Turbo together. I made him a headstone with a drawing of him on a piece of flagstone we found to put in his cage. We also bought a small bunch of yellow flowers to put at his grave. So we had a little candle light ceremony for him and sent him on his way. It was pretty sad to say goodbye to our little guy.

So for the next few day's I'm gong to try and get all the things done I can that will be easier now that I'm not in work. This involves stuff like getting a new drivers license and the such.

I will keep you posted on the any updates in the job situation. Thank you all for your prayers on our behalf. Hopefully we will know soon.

Love you all,

Megan

He Had the Heart of a Champion

If you have known me for very long, you'll know that I'm not always crazy about animals. I've probably eaten more dogs than I've petted, and I just plain don't get along with cats. I'm not a "pet guy." It's not my style.

About 4 years ago I became friends with my buddy Dave. He's the one who got me started playing bass and whatnot. Anyway, Dave had a pet tortoise named The Swashbuckler. I immediately took a liking to the guy and decided that someday I would own a tortoise of my own.

Fast forward a couple years and I'm starting to like Megan again. One time when I dropped by her house, I noticed she had a tortoise. If something bad about a potential girlfriend can be called a deal breaker, something awesome like owning a tortoise could be called a deal maker. It wasn't the most important factor in me finally dating Megan, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a definite perk. I took to him immediately and was as concerned for him as Megan was, even though he wasn't technically "mine" at the time.

I have grown to love turbo over the past year or so. I was the one who started saying, "He has the heart of a champion." I said it at first as sort of joke when we saw him struggling to climb over his house. But as time has proven, Turbo really did have the heart of a champion.

He was small for his age and he always seemed to be getting sick. Megan and I have nursed him back to health on several occasions. I don't think I've ever been as excited to watch an animal eat as I have been with Turbo. Eating meant he was getting the nutrients his little body needed, so it was always relieving to see him crunch into his lettuce (even though he always had pretty poor depth perception and often came up with a mouth full of nothing, which was always funny to watch). He ate like a dinosaur (not in quantity, but in the way I'd expect a dinosaur to eat) and it was never dull to watch him.

A few months back, Megan and I were getting increasingly concerned over Turbo's declining health. In our many trips to the reptile store, we would ask them how big a tortoise of Turbo's age should be, and how he should be behaving. We found, much to our disappointment, that he wasn't growing as quickly as he should. He was only about 2 inches across and he should've been 5 or 6 inches. His eating habits were not good enough to maintain his health, and we noticed that his little arms and legs were getting smaller and weaker. He didn't even look as healthy as the hatchlings the reptile store had for sale.

Every day over the past few weeks I would pick Turbo up and get him to move his arms and legs to make sure they wouldn't atrophy. I did everything I could to encourage him to eat and move around, but he seemed to be less and less motivated to do any of these things. Megan and I have often wondered if Turbo has just felt horrible every day of his little life. It could very well be true. He's had a number of health problems and even a trip to the vet and a round of antibiotics didn't seem to give him the help he needed.

Over the past month he was eating maybe only once a week, if that. It was over the past two weeks that he really declined. He didn't eat or move. I couldn't even get him to move his arms and legs without coaxing him first. It was becoming apparent (though I refused to believe it) that his little life might be coming to an end.

Yesterday I got a call from Megan. She told me that he was not responding when she tried to soak him or sun him under the heat lamp. She said he seemed to be near the end. The funny (if you can call it that) thing about tortoises is that it's hard to tell if they're dead. In Turbo's case it seems pretty sure. He has pulled his little arms and legs inside his shell and they have gotten stiff. We can't see any movement from him at all, and we can't coax any out of him.

There has been an air of sadness that has permeated the last couple days. I always knew there was a strong possibility that Turbo might not live out his full age (about 40 years for his species). I didn't think it would come to this so soon. I will miss the little guy. We will surely have other tortoises and they'll probably be a whole lot healthier than Turbo was, but he'll always be my little guy. I didn't ever think I would feel this strongly for a pet of any sort, but I do.

Turbo always brightened my day. There was never a time when seeing him didn't make me just a little bit happier. But I do take comfort in the fact that if he was in pain (as we have every reason to suspect that he was) it is over now and he has lived out the measure of his creation and has gone on to a better place. Megan and I will miss him.

I can think of no better epitaph for him than those words I originally said in jest, but seem to describe him better than any others I could hope to find: He Had the Heart of a Champion.